Ok, I have no idea why it happens, but it happens...Every time I meet a half descent guy, get to know him a little, and feel we may have some kind of connection, he does a 180° on me.
I just don't get it and can't seem to understand it. Is it me ? Do I scare them away ? Do I make them run, hide and flee as fast as they can ?! I can't say I've been anything but friendly and my own jolly self. Yet it seems that it is not what the men I have been attracted to want.
Then again, what DO men want ? Should I play the 'hard to get' game ?! Is it true men are such hunters that they want what they can't have ?! To be honest, I can't find it in me to play these 'games'...it's just not who I am. And if anything I feel I should be true to myself. Yes, I'm 37, have 3 kids, live in a town where divorce rates are extremely high, yet most of those men seem to only want to 'start over' with a woman 20 years their minor. To top it all off, I live in Belgium yet I seem to prefer the spontineity of a Dutch man. I guess this makes my search for the perfect guy for me impossible. Friends have told me exactly that, many a time.
It's not that I feel incomplete without a man, because I truly don't, but I just don't think I'm meant to go through life alone. I don't think anyone is meant to go through life alone... (Please note that I am not alone in the entire sense of the word, as I have my 3 wonderful kids, a warm and loving family and fantastic friends.)
When I signed myself up at an online dating site, it seemed wonderful at first. So many faces, and wonderful sounding profiles. Yet now, after experiencing it on and off for nearly a year, I realise it is like watching tv with the remote control in your hand...you're watching something on one channel, but as soon as you start switching channels, and stop concentrating on the one thing you were watching, then this feeling of 'missing out' seems to take over and the channel switching, before you know it, becomes a habit.
So, am I scaring these potential dates away ? Is it something I do, or don't do? Or are they running from something else? Is it my 'package deal' that makes them hesitant? Or do they have other issues of their own?
Who is to say....
At least now I know that I CAN do this all by myself, that I CAN go out to parties alone, that I CAN have a great social life, and that I CAN do anything I set my mind to...but ....and this 'BUT' is crucial... I don't WANT to have to do it all alone. I'd love to know that there is someone out there who likes me, I'm not even talking about love yet. It would be a great start to just find someone who likes me enough to want to keep seeing me, to want to spend time with me and someone I too feel that way about. Someone who will not run away because I have 3 kids, or because I live far away, or because I'm not a perfect dress size. Someone who will appreciate all of those things and so much more that I have to offer, instead of viewing it as a big challenge and huge obstacle.
So, in the meantime I will keep hoping, keep believing and remain in great expectation of the guy that may one day set foot in my life and who will wholeheartedly mean it.