We found each other after years apart
our friendship grew from heart to heart.
So much pain in common we shared
so much hope and strength we paired.
Both believing ....in the good times up ahead.
A piece of me I gave to you
but so much of you now remains with me.
I promise to live and love like we both said
never wait or hesitate !!
Life is too short
you so often told me....
Until we meet again
my dear true friend...
I will miss you always....Mies X
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Fate Rules
And so....just like it started, in a flash, it ends. Funny how all I seem to remember are the wonderful moments, the fun, the togetherness, the joy of daring to look into the future together and making plans. Trips, dinners, drinks, couch-potatoe'ing together, everything now has a lovely silver lining, and a nostalgia shadowed by a feeling of lament for it having ended far too soon. How, can so much love disappear into thin air ?! Did we fool love, or did love fool us?
Most of the memories now go into my 'most cherished' box. And I find myself piling them in like a mad woman, for all of a sudden I see the lovely moments and relive them one by one, realising they were indeed worthwhile and even the painful memories make me utmost grateful and happy. Yet it's only now, that it's over, that I see it, that I realise the value of what I had. Why do we humans always realise this when it's too late. 'You only know what you've got when it's gone' ....When there is no way back and so we use this to learn our lessons in life, and do better next time....
Next time is not an option right now ...because just like that, when it ended, it began. I felt my heart skip a beat and knew, that it belongs to one person only. Love struck, and this 'condition' can be long lasting.
It is far too late, happened much too slow, and there is no known remedy.
So, if it's no longer in the cards for me, I shall have to leave it at that let it be and set it free and keep enjoying all the rest, my kids, friends, family and all that warmth and love that they provide. I'll still feel a void, undoubtedly, and it may even be forever..!! But that's only because sometimes, you just stumble upon the right person even though the timing may seem off and the combination may seem odd, yet in your heart, you know it's absolutely right.
And so, I slowly realise that this is my choice, I choose to love, whether it means that I will be loved or not my heart is open and willing. More than that, we cannot do in life, except decide how WE ourselves stand in what we want and hope for, the rest is up to FATE.
Most of the memories now go into my 'most cherished' box. And I find myself piling them in like a mad woman, for all of a sudden I see the lovely moments and relive them one by one, realising they were indeed worthwhile and even the painful memories make me utmost grateful and happy. Yet it's only now, that it's over, that I see it, that I realise the value of what I had. Why do we humans always realise this when it's too late. 'You only know what you've got when it's gone' ....When there is no way back and so we use this to learn our lessons in life, and do better next time....
Next time is not an option right now ...because just like that, when it ended, it began. I felt my heart skip a beat and knew, that it belongs to one person only. Love struck, and this 'condition' can be long lasting.
It is far too late, happened much too slow, and there is no known remedy.
So, if it's no longer in the cards for me, I shall have to leave it at that let it be and set it free and keep enjoying all the rest, my kids, friends, family and all that warmth and love that they provide. I'll still feel a void, undoubtedly, and it may even be forever..!! But that's only because sometimes, you just stumble upon the right person even though the timing may seem off and the combination may seem odd, yet in your heart, you know it's absolutely right.
And so, I slowly realise that this is my choice, I choose to love, whether it means that I will be loved or not my heart is open and willing. More than that, we cannot do in life, except decide how WE ourselves stand in what we want and hope for, the rest is up to FATE.
Friday, 2 March 2012
Teddy Bear Love
There comes a time when all of a sudden it feels like someone turned the lights on, whilst you were walking around in the dark banging yourself against anything and everything because you just couldn't see. Then, just like after a dark day, the fog is lifted and all is CLEAR...you blink a few times and realise that you WERE lost in the dark. Not knowing what was left or right, front or back. But now the view is unclouded, the trouble is, you hit and broke so much in that darkness, that you actually destroyed the place you were at.
Some of the damage may not be all that bad, just a few pick-ups and setting straights, but sometimes valuable stuff gets broken, so much so, that you wonder if it's even possible to repair. So the option of replacement comes to mind. After all the broken pieces look useless and destroyed. I guess that it mainly matters WHAT was actually shattered, HOW much it meant to you beforehand and WHETHER you still want it.
I know tons of toddlers that carry around a tattered old bear, one eye missing, ears and arms sown and re-sown back on many times, not much left of their furry bellies from all the hugs and kisses they receive all day and all night. But STILL, the toddler loves his bear to pieces ...for all the times they spent together, all the tears they quenched, all the drool they took, and all the love they gave, when no one else was around for comfort. To those of us who had such a faithful companion, it taught us how to love, unconditionally and without caring about looks.
When we grow up, we often loose that sense of loyalty, and it seems the more we have the less we care. When we find a special someone, or even a special something, we no longer keep them lovingly until their tattered looks tell tales of history together, but we let our hearts drift away when tough times generate a battered soul. Our attention quickly shifts to the newer, prettier and better looks of else wheres, not realising we loose sight of what the essence of longevity was. You see, to me, it's sticking to what and whom you love, no matter how tossed and turned it gets, no matter which scars appear. The thing is, those scars are often just a sign of too much love, too many hugs, too many tears, too many cuddles and too many 'tossed in the corners' on that tattered old bear of ours. And sometimes we do the same later in life, we love too much, hug too hard, cry too loud, and toss too far-aways....but unlike in our youth, we don't go back to find comfort in that long and loving friendship, but we decide to close our hearts and move on.
I for one, still have my tattered old bear, and looking at it the other day, I realised that inside of it was where I put my soul as a little girl. Today I woke up opened my eyes and realised that all that tossing around in the dark, was only because I had lost sight of my 'bear'(self) ....of what was actually important, and so I'm left to pick up the pieces, as I would have sown back eyes and arms and ears, I now do damage repair in the comfort of my own mess, and loving it for what it is and what it's brought me...it's the memories that lie within the tattered-ness, it's there that we find comfort and strength and it's there that the love resides for that which we had, we have, or may one day have again. Because deep deep down, buried underneath the bullshit is where our 'old-teddy-bear-like' love lies....find it, treasure it and KEEP it !!!'
Some of the damage may not be all that bad, just a few pick-ups and setting straights, but sometimes valuable stuff gets broken, so much so, that you wonder if it's even possible to repair. So the option of replacement comes to mind. After all the broken pieces look useless and destroyed. I guess that it mainly matters WHAT was actually shattered, HOW much it meant to you beforehand and WHETHER you still want it.
I know tons of toddlers that carry around a tattered old bear, one eye missing, ears and arms sown and re-sown back on many times, not much left of their furry bellies from all the hugs and kisses they receive all day and all night. But STILL, the toddler loves his bear to pieces ...for all the times they spent together, all the tears they quenched, all the drool they took, and all the love they gave, when no one else was around for comfort. To those of us who had such a faithful companion, it taught us how to love, unconditionally and without caring about looks.
When we grow up, we often loose that sense of loyalty, and it seems the more we have the less we care. When we find a special someone, or even a special something, we no longer keep them lovingly until their tattered looks tell tales of history together, but we let our hearts drift away when tough times generate a battered soul. Our attention quickly shifts to the newer, prettier and better looks of else wheres, not realising we loose sight of what the essence of longevity was. You see, to me, it's sticking to what and whom you love, no matter how tossed and turned it gets, no matter which scars appear. The thing is, those scars are often just a sign of too much love, too many hugs, too many tears, too many cuddles and too many 'tossed in the corners' on that tattered old bear of ours. And sometimes we do the same later in life, we love too much, hug too hard, cry too loud, and toss too far-aways....but unlike in our youth, we don't go back to find comfort in that long and loving friendship, but we decide to close our hearts and move on.
I for one, still have my tattered old bear, and looking at it the other day, I realised that inside of it was where I put my soul as a little girl. Today I woke up opened my eyes and realised that all that tossing around in the dark, was only because I had lost sight of my 'bear'(self) ....of what was actually important, and so I'm left to pick up the pieces, as I would have sown back eyes and arms and ears, I now do damage repair in the comfort of my own mess, and loving it for what it is and what it's brought me...it's the memories that lie within the tattered-ness, it's there that we find comfort and strength and it's there that the love resides for that which we had, we have, or may one day have again. Because deep deep down, buried underneath the bullshit is where our 'old-teddy-bear-like' love lies....find it, treasure it and KEEP it !!!'
Monday, 13 February 2012
Stepford Syndrome
What is it with women that everything needs to be a competition?
Who is the prettiest?
Who is the thinnest?
Who is the smartest?
Who has the best hair?
Who married the best husband?
Who has the greatest kids?
Who is the best mother?
Who is the best cook?
Who has the best life......
For Pete's sake ...anything and everything is compared, judged and reviewed !! Why? Why does one woman need to be the best in anything or everything? Why isn't it ok, that some are successful in certain areas, at certain times, whereas others are brilliant in other areas and other times....!!
I keep noticing this trend more and more, and fear it can only lead to disappointment and unhappiness. No one is perfect and that's more than FINE ...having to prove yourself to other women friends is an exhausting task. One that no one will be able to achieve. Save yourself the trouble please and just enjoy your own life and your own goals. No matter how other women might think you SHOULD be doing things, choose your own path as it is YOU and only YOU that needs to live, YOUR life !!!
Why is it that some women feel better when they put other women down and bitch about them? If I'm truly honest about this and do a soul search for answers, the only thing that comes to mind is:
INSECURITY.
A nasty women's trait, is to hide one's own insecurity by focusing on another woman's insecurity !! Somehow it elevates you from your miserable self by deflecting on an even more miserable soul. We turn our diet starved bodies into hungry feeders on other women's misery and misfortune, which in turn leaves those poor souls drained of any energy and hit by disillusion. Slowly one will calculatedly suck the life out of the other...
I see this happening all the time, lately, women seem so unsatisfied with their own lives that it is becoming more and more acceptable to bully themselves into other women's lives in an effort to make some of those, often struggling, women more miserable than themselves.
I am far from perfect, realise it and have often stated it or admitted it. I too feel the pressure, due to many aspects in my life that do not coincide with 'the perfect picture', of the Stepford Syndrome.
Some days are tougher than others, some days are extremely good and happy ones. Being quite open about this to the 'outside world' makes me vulnerable in the 'criticism-department', obviously. When you make something public everyone will have an opinion and because of a wonderful weapon called 'freedom of speech' I am often an easy 'target'. HOWEVER, please remember that behind the black and white text is an actual human being with feelings and insecurities too.
Which brings me back to the whole perfect woman (Stepford-Wife-Syndrome) issue that we keep dumping on each other....No need to be friends with every woman in your life, just be nice, polite, caring, or just mind your own business, and work on your own insecurities before you go around judging others on theirs. And so dear women friends, let's not be in competition but complement each other where needed !!! Nobody is perfect and to be honest, I quite like it that way.
Who is the prettiest?
Who is the thinnest?
Who is the smartest?
Who has the best hair?
Who married the best husband?
Who has the greatest kids?
Who is the best mother?
Who is the best cook?
Who has the best life......
For Pete's sake ...anything and everything is compared, judged and reviewed !! Why? Why does one woman need to be the best in anything or everything? Why isn't it ok, that some are successful in certain areas, at certain times, whereas others are brilliant in other areas and other times....!!
I keep noticing this trend more and more, and fear it can only lead to disappointment and unhappiness. No one is perfect and that's more than FINE ...having to prove yourself to other women friends is an exhausting task. One that no one will be able to achieve. Save yourself the trouble please and just enjoy your own life and your own goals. No matter how other women might think you SHOULD be doing things, choose your own path as it is YOU and only YOU that needs to live, YOUR life !!!
Why is it that some women feel better when they put other women down and bitch about them? If I'm truly honest about this and do a soul search for answers, the only thing that comes to mind is:
INSECURITY.
A nasty women's trait, is to hide one's own insecurity by focusing on another woman's insecurity !! Somehow it elevates you from your miserable self by deflecting on an even more miserable soul. We turn our diet starved bodies into hungry feeders on other women's misery and misfortune, which in turn leaves those poor souls drained of any energy and hit by disillusion. Slowly one will calculatedly suck the life out of the other...
I see this happening all the time, lately, women seem so unsatisfied with their own lives that it is becoming more and more acceptable to bully themselves into other women's lives in an effort to make some of those, often struggling, women more miserable than themselves.
I am far from perfect, realise it and have often stated it or admitted it. I too feel the pressure, due to many aspects in my life that do not coincide with 'the perfect picture', of the Stepford Syndrome.
Some days are tougher than others, some days are extremely good and happy ones. Being quite open about this to the 'outside world' makes me vulnerable in the 'criticism-department', obviously. When you make something public everyone will have an opinion and because of a wonderful weapon called 'freedom of speech' I am often an easy 'target'. HOWEVER, please remember that behind the black and white text is an actual human being with feelings and insecurities too.
Which brings me back to the whole perfect woman (Stepford-Wife-Syndrome) issue that we keep dumping on each other....No need to be friends with every woman in your life, just be nice, polite, caring, or just mind your own business, and work on your own insecurities before you go around judging others on theirs. And so dear women friends, let's not be in competition but complement each other where needed !!! Nobody is perfect and to be honest, I quite like it that way.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Waiting...
Faced with one of the most difficult tasks in my life due to who I am and how I function, (or not)...I find myself, waiting. Waiting for an answer, a sign, a hint, anything that will make this stomach-aching-clutchy feeling inside of me, settle and calm down.
Once again, I induced the pain and torture of this 'wait' on myself....by being careless with a precious gift called 'love'. One too many rejections, one too many moments of doubt and fear...and the frailty of love dissolved into what if's and never mind's ...
The pain and regret that directly strike you straight after you get hit by that reality are mind blowing and deeply heartfelt. 'Not again' dashes through your mind like a crazy man...accusing you of repeated behaviour and ditto mistakes. Blame and failure set out to win this fight. But who is right...if any of them?!
'If only's' find a way to haunt you down and make 'what if's' ..something of the past. No longer does that future look as bright and colourful as it did the split second before the damage was done. And so, after you hear yourself begging and pleading for the 'what might have been's' ....you realise that all that's left is waiting. Waiting for what the one you hurt decides your verdict is....:, to continue loving or let go, that is the question. An extremity like hot and cold....two 'aquaintances' usually nowhere near to each other, yet so close and made of the same substance. The treacherous debate will now take place within a mind and heart outside your own.
You find yourself waiting in stages.
First denial, because you cannot believe the damage that was done by your carelessness and the amount of love you might have broken...then comes anger, at yourself for having failed and hurt the one person that always stood by you no matter what. This gets followed by pathetic bargaining, a million promises made to solve every single problem that arises. An impossible and truly unaccomplishable task. So you sink into depression, as you realise what you have lost and broken, and that no matter what you might want to glue it back together with, the wound will have to heal by itself ....somehow....and so you accept. Accept that all that can be done is wait. Wait for a miracle, or wait until time helps heal the wound....and hope that what is left of it when 'healed' is still strong enough to survive the next stage....whatever the outcome.
But combining all of the above, the list dashes through my head in constant repetition...and makes the wait a long and painful one, with no one but myself to blame for it.
Once again, I induced the pain and torture of this 'wait' on myself....by being careless with a precious gift called 'love'. One too many rejections, one too many moments of doubt and fear...and the frailty of love dissolved into what if's and never mind's ...
The pain and regret that directly strike you straight after you get hit by that reality are mind blowing and deeply heartfelt. 'Not again' dashes through your mind like a crazy man...accusing you of repeated behaviour and ditto mistakes. Blame and failure set out to win this fight. But who is right...if any of them?!
'If only's' find a way to haunt you down and make 'what if's' ..something of the past. No longer does that future look as bright and colourful as it did the split second before the damage was done. And so, after you hear yourself begging and pleading for the 'what might have been's' ....you realise that all that's left is waiting. Waiting for what the one you hurt decides your verdict is....:, to continue loving or let go, that is the question. An extremity like hot and cold....two 'aquaintances' usually nowhere near to each other, yet so close and made of the same substance. The treacherous debate will now take place within a mind and heart outside your own.
You find yourself waiting in stages.
First denial, because you cannot believe the damage that was done by your carelessness and the amount of love you might have broken...then comes anger, at yourself for having failed and hurt the one person that always stood by you no matter what. This gets followed by pathetic bargaining, a million promises made to solve every single problem that arises. An impossible and truly unaccomplishable task. So you sink into depression, as you realise what you have lost and broken, and that no matter what you might want to glue it back together with, the wound will have to heal by itself ....somehow....and so you accept. Accept that all that can be done is wait. Wait for a miracle, or wait until time helps heal the wound....and hope that what is left of it when 'healed' is still strong enough to survive the next stage....whatever the outcome.
But combining all of the above, the list dashes through my head in constant repetition...and makes the wait a long and painful one, with no one but myself to blame for it.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Loving you, loving me....
Whatever anyone says about this topic...I just don't feel it....the whole loving 'ME' thing...I mean, I see it, and I get the hang of the actual concept, but I just can't seem to feel it or apply it. Not that I'm an unlovable person, surely not, but actually loving myself on a daily basis?? Nope...it's not happenin' !!!
To be honest, mostly I'm not very pleased with myself or how I handle things, quite appalled even at times..(but I'll leave out the worst bits, just to spare you...) it's just that I'm not so good at 'crisis management' or even 'forgiving myself' for all my binge eating, lack of patience, vocal outbursts and/or stubborn mistakes that seem to happen over and over again.
At the end of the day, when all goes black and night falls, the same thing happens to me, all goes black and I fall. I fall into the habit of self-criticism. I review my day and decide what should have gone differently, seldom do I have a day that I seem satisfied or even a little pleased about. It's not that I'm depressed or anything similar, no worries there, I just feel I could and should do better.
I find myself ruled over by my über ME, as if my strict-self comes out, telling me I ate too much, talked too much, spent too much but did too little. 'This intolerant self' can get quite annoyed at ME for all that and more....and so the lecture begins...
'Tomorrow....I shall...' and 'after that....I will...' or even 'never again ...shall I...'
All my weak points get summoned and told off by the dark-night-time-ME. The better ME. Maybe even the perfect ME, yes that's right.. Über ME
Having said all this, there is little or no room left for any self-love, because I plainly do not fit my own 'perfect picture' of ME. And so, I regret the faults, the decisions, the mistakes, and sometimes even who I was that day...(preposterous, I know, because it's not like I can just 'change' that ME, right ?!) but that's how it is, plain and simple.
You'd think that getting told by friends and family that you are a nice enough person and perfectly worth loving would help out in these circumstances, but NO...for me that tends to inflame the affected 'I-must-work-on- ME' areas. Which in turn brings me more torture when night time sets in, as that becomes another issue altogether.
I find that I am exhausting myself - and others - with this unsatisfying trend. It is making me even more unloved and inaccessible, even to myself. Not to fear though...this too has become a task to tackle according to my nightly fussy-GOD-mother !!!
Tonight however, I plan to outwit the 'perfect ME' by telling her that I refuse to be berated on all my faults and defects !!! There will be NO more self-bashing, no more nasty comments and no more hoping to become that better person that I am supposed to LOVE. It's just not gonna happen. It's ME, it's been ME for 38 years and I'm gonna stay being ME for the next 38 years at least. So deal with it. Bugger off and leave me be....
Difficult, complicated, temperamental and extremely indecisive....so much so, that I'm giving up this endless struggle, I'm fed up with it, enough is enough. I've tried....I failed, FINE.
All the possible 'loving ME' giddinnes will be left up to others from now on. Good Luck with that I say !!
Now I just have to find the courage to feel all THAT ;-)
Mies :-)
To be honest, mostly I'm not very pleased with myself or how I handle things, quite appalled even at times..(but I'll leave out the worst bits, just to spare you...) it's just that I'm not so good at 'crisis management' or even 'forgiving myself' for all my binge eating, lack of patience, vocal outbursts and/or stubborn mistakes that seem to happen over and over again.
At the end of the day, when all goes black and night falls, the same thing happens to me, all goes black and I fall. I fall into the habit of self-criticism. I review my day and decide what should have gone differently, seldom do I have a day that I seem satisfied or even a little pleased about. It's not that I'm depressed or anything similar, no worries there, I just feel I could and should do better.
I find myself ruled over by my über ME, as if my strict-self comes out, telling me I ate too much, talked too much, spent too much but did too little. 'This intolerant self' can get quite annoyed at ME for all that and more....and so the lecture begins...
'Tomorrow....I shall...' and 'after that....I will...' or even 'never again ...shall I...'
All my weak points get summoned and told off by the dark-night-time-ME. The better ME. Maybe even the perfect ME, yes that's right.. Über ME
Having said all this, there is little or no room left for any self-love, because I plainly do not fit my own 'perfect picture' of ME. And so, I regret the faults, the decisions, the mistakes, and sometimes even who I was that day...(preposterous, I know, because it's not like I can just 'change' that ME, right ?!) but that's how it is, plain and simple.
You'd think that getting told by friends and family that you are a nice enough person and perfectly worth loving would help out in these circumstances, but NO...for me that tends to inflame the affected 'I-must-work-on- ME' areas. Which in turn brings me more torture when night time sets in, as that becomes another issue altogether.
I find that I am exhausting myself - and others - with this unsatisfying trend. It is making me even more unloved and inaccessible, even to myself. Not to fear though...this too has become a task to tackle according to my nightly fussy-GOD-mother !!!
Tonight however, I plan to outwit the 'perfect ME' by telling her that I refuse to be berated on all my faults and defects !!! There will be NO more self-bashing, no more nasty comments and no more hoping to become that better person that I am supposed to LOVE. It's just not gonna happen. It's ME, it's been ME for 38 years and I'm gonna stay being ME for the next 38 years at least. So deal with it. Bugger off and leave me be....
Difficult, complicated, temperamental and extremely indecisive....so much so, that I'm giving up this endless struggle, I'm fed up with it, enough is enough. I've tried....I failed, FINE.
All the possible 'loving ME' giddinnes will be left up to others from now on. Good Luck with that I say !!
Now I just have to find the courage to feel all THAT ;-)
Mies :-)
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Fanatic Neurosis
I guess the best description of me now would be a read-faced-woman, with steam coming out of my ears and nostrils !! Once again, I opened my mouth on paper, well....specifically in an e-mail. You see, my eldest daughter has been playing field hockey since her 5th birthday and she is now about to turn 13. I am proud to say that with the effort she puts into it, she has made the best teams for a few years now. As her mother I am incredibly proud of this achievement and I encourage her as much as I can, by attending as many of her matches against other star talents as possible. Yes, I say 'as possible' because I have two other kids, who I am equally proud of and whom I also like to encourage in their sporting activities.
Being a single mom, I try to keep things as uncomplicated as possible, so for convenience sake, all three kids play field hockey (luckily they also love it). This way, everything happens in one place (the Club). The Club is about a 15 minute drive from home, a road I have frequented more over these past 8 years than any other in my life, so much so, that it sometimes feels like the Club is our second home. We are there on Monday's, Wednesday's, Friday's and Saturday's....and even though it looks like a nice place to spend sunny afternoons sipping tea, (or as some prefer; wine) the glamour of it wears off by the perpetual visits. It's like a relationship, you need some time apart sometimes to bring back some of the old 'spark'.
This 'time-apart' is what I like to call...'the Holidays' ....they are a much loved time of peace and rest, provided by school, and all sorts of other authorities, so you'd expect the same to be true for sports clubs...but noooooo !! These girls are so highly motivated and encouraged by colleague sports-fanatics that they will be training during the 'holidays' much to my dismay. You see, I don't want to be a 'Cruella de Vil' who prohibits her daughter to join them, but I do want a vacation from that cobble road I travel on sometimes 13 times a week....most of all though, I want my daughter to have time to enjoy the other things in life, because believe it or not, there is a whole world out there just waiting to be explored and it's not all within the boundaries of a hockey field.
The problem is, of course, a 'conscience' one....if I don't let her go, she will think it's not fair as she might miss out on some essential stuff, which could put her at a disadvantage, in a team where, however proud I am, she has to work her butt off to keep up with the better players. I don't want that to happen either, because her efforts should not be ruined by my need for a break from this scene and roadtrip. If I do let her go, it will seem as if I'm supporting this sporty overdose, which I am definately not.
So what to do in this case ? Give into this fanatic neurosis, that will only get worse as Christmas holidays, Easter holidays and even summer holidays will prove to be great practice opportunities for even better and bolder results...who are we kidding here ?! If you are shoved into something you feel forced into, you'll end up hating it ...so lets just enjoy the holidays and let go of all the 'must do's'....Please, pretty please.
Being a single mom, I try to keep things as uncomplicated as possible, so for convenience sake, all three kids play field hockey (luckily they also love it). This way, everything happens in one place (the Club). The Club is about a 15 minute drive from home, a road I have frequented more over these past 8 years than any other in my life, so much so, that it sometimes feels like the Club is our second home. We are there on Monday's, Wednesday's, Friday's and Saturday's....and even though it looks like a nice place to spend sunny afternoons sipping tea, (or as some prefer; wine) the glamour of it wears off by the perpetual visits. It's like a relationship, you need some time apart sometimes to bring back some of the old 'spark'.
This 'time-apart' is what I like to call...'the Holidays' ....they are a much loved time of peace and rest, provided by school, and all sorts of other authorities, so you'd expect the same to be true for sports clubs...but noooooo !! These girls are so highly motivated and encouraged by colleague sports-fanatics that they will be training during the 'holidays' much to my dismay. You see, I don't want to be a 'Cruella de Vil' who prohibits her daughter to join them, but I do want a vacation from that cobble road I travel on sometimes 13 times a week....most of all though, I want my daughter to have time to enjoy the other things in life, because believe it or not, there is a whole world out there just waiting to be explored and it's not all within the boundaries of a hockey field.
The problem is, of course, a 'conscience' one....if I don't let her go, she will think it's not fair as she might miss out on some essential stuff, which could put her at a disadvantage, in a team where, however proud I am, she has to work her butt off to keep up with the better players. I don't want that to happen either, because her efforts should not be ruined by my need for a break from this scene and roadtrip. If I do let her go, it will seem as if I'm supporting this sporty overdose, which I am definately not.
So what to do in this case ? Give into this fanatic neurosis, that will only get worse as Christmas holidays, Easter holidays and even summer holidays will prove to be great practice opportunities for even better and bolder results...who are we kidding here ?! If you are shoved into something you feel forced into, you'll end up hating it ...so lets just enjoy the holidays and let go of all the 'must do's'....Please, pretty please.
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