Monday, 31 December 2012

Post 2012

The end of a year always encourages us to look back and reflect on all that happened over the past twelve months.

For me, this year was extremely intense. I don't think I have ever FELT as much as I have felt this year!! 

I felt heartache, that should have killed me; I felt shame and anger towards myself that should have made me dissolve into nothingness; I felt the great loss of a few dear friends that passed away whom I hope are now Angels watching over us;  I felt the joy of realising that all I need to be happy, is right here, within me; I realised that no matter how much I wanted to conform with what others expected of me, it did not make me happier and I finally understood that if you build huge walls around yourself, and don't let go of the fear of getting hurt again, love will never stand a chance, 
This last realisation opened up Pandora's box and so my heart loves again, regardless of it being loved back. 

This was, without a doubt, my growth year, the year that has kick started who I am meant to be, and who I want to become, the year that clarifies all others and has made perfect sense of what was just a blurr...

I am no longer unsettled and restless, beaten and hurt. I have found my serenity and no longer blame myself or others for the pain and anger I have felt. 
It's a sense of blissful gladness, that now helps me to appreciate and love my life as it is. 
Once you realise all that, small miracles begin to happen and instead of hoping for more you find joy in all the little unexpected gifts life offers. 

I therefore look forward to this new year, because even though it makes me a little melancholic to say goodbye to this one, I know I will enter into the next one with all the new knowledge, feelings and tools I have been lucky enough to find along the way.

I do not enter it without expectations however, I enter this new year expecting ANYTHING is possible!!! 

My biggest wish for 2013 is that each and everyone of you may experience  this feeling, so you may sail happily and smoothly, through the rough and tough parts of life. 

"Live to love, and love to live" - because the time we have here is preciously short and there is no better way to spend it, but by absorbing every single moment we are granted. 

Wishing you a fascinating 2013!! 

May it bring to you your own epiphany...and the faith to trust your heart.

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

The Spirit of Love

I am probably the LAST person who should give relationship advice, so I won't, but inspired by a column I recently read and a few friends who seem to be struggling to rekindle the 'flame of love', I feel it may be time to share a few of my thoughts on this.

Being single, makes me over-romanticise relationships apparently....I tend to forget the ins & outs and ups & downs of married life, I fantasise that being with a partner is all romance and bliss.
As it turns out, it's not...most of the time.

The other day a friend of mine told me about her husband who goes to bed early every single night except when he's out with 'the boys', hasn't kissed her properly in over a year, and sexually only makes time for a 'quicky' now and again. It sounded terrible until another friend told me that she too had hardly any physical contact with her partner after being together for about 5 years now. She watches TV upstairs while her husband watches it downstairs, he farts and burps whenever the need arises and she sometimes doesn't do his laundry to punish him when they argue. Once I started asking around, it seemed everyone had some things they wished they could change to improve communication and love within their relationship, but felt alone in this as trying to tell their partners about it frequently backfired or turned into a minor (tug-of) war. I could not believe my ears.. why is it that two people who start off ecstatic about each other, come to a point of near neglect? What happens that makes us forget or take the other for granted ? And why do some couples manage to keep the magic, whilst others don't?

I know it may sound very simplistic, but standing on the outside, looking in, I sometimes wish people would see how minor details can make huge changes. We keep on placing expectations on the other person, as to what the other should/could do to make our life (together) better. We get irritated by what we expect the other person to do or say, even though we don't give them a single clue as to what would actually help.

A relationship is not the 'be all and end all' in life of course, and some are just not meant to last. However, I must admit (even though I am a 'happy single') that sharing your life with someone is unique. Sharing feelings of affection and mutual respect as well as certain passions, children, goals and aspirations can make for a wonderful relationship.

This is what I think....stop expecting!! Say what you want, what you wish and what makes you happy. Keep it realistic and realise at the same time that you are not alone in the relationship, the other person has needs and feelings too. I think that starting off with small acts of kindness; a smile, a friendly touch or even a cuddle again, could slowly open up the way back into your partners heart. The love is there surely you've just lost touch of it.
I know men and women think and act differently, and sometimes best intentions get lost in translation, but try to remember those very first moments when you fell in love and wished you could spend each and every moment of each and every day together....if you can find a fraction of that feeling back again, it will help you see your partner with more loving eyes. (This goes for both partners by the way, no use one person getting all 'lovey dovey' whilst the other sits next to you remaining an 'old fart'!! - Having said that, I think change may even be possible when only one person kicks off the new mojo, as the other will surely follow).

It's not about expecting.
It's about giving....and once you start giving, for some magical reason you receive in return.

So now that Christmas is coming up, a stressy, but lovely time of year, where family, friends and especially love come first. Make an effort !! ...Convince yourself you're once again blissfully in love with your spouse and feel the warmth it may create within you. The power of the mind is huge and the heart is a very eager companion.Wrap a lotta-love around your partner, kiss beneath the mistletoe again and hold hands whilst you take an evening stroll in the snow.... grows when you let it unfold.

Merry Christmas !