Friday, 17 August 2012

Mr. Dick Head

We all know the type, or have met one at some time in our lives and they're usually not that hard to miss, as their gigantic ego's precede them. They love to talk about 'ME, MYSELF and I'...mostly bragging about the women they have conquered as if they are God's gift to us. Usually preying on the weak and vulnerable, as no strong woman in her right mind would even consider such a self-absorbed-excuse-of-a-man.

Not so long ago, I met the leader of the pack, I had encountered a few Mr. Dick Heads in the past, but none this sophisticated. This guy was a master at it. He knew exactly what to say to tickle your senses, and trigger your curiosity, only to find that within 5 minutes into a conversation, it was all about HIM. He managed to lure you into a false sense of comfort, by throwing in just enough sweet 'bates' and 'I'm such a good guy compared to the rest' anecdotes. I'm ashamed to admit it, but at first I fell for it... as if intoxicated by his deceiving good looks. I patiently listened to all his (bullshit) tales of rescued damsels in distress. Every female on earth seemed to fall at his feet and beg to be taken and of course, he complied. He was a terrific salesman, closed the deal with great suave, yet he was nowhere to be found once the deed was done.

Like a praying mantis grasping and devouring his prey yet escaping the fate of death by cautiously picking out the most fragile and defenceless creatures. Mr. Dick Head superior enjoyed the quick satisfaction, nothing long term or remotely complicated although he was convinced of his own spiritual depths.

It turned out, he was a 'Shallow Hal', his interests were only skin deep and short lived. I have no idea how a person actually survives on just the artificials, but they exist. After a few (failed) attempts at 'getting into my pants', so to speak, I ended up getting told how terribly fucked up I was, and that I needed to change BIG TIME if I wanted to function properly in this society.


Well....after the initial shock and slight feeling of uneasiness as I wondered for a second if he may actually be right, I concluded that : I am better than this, and he was probably just pissed off that I wouldn't budge into a horizontal state of fornication, well sod him. I may still be single and not very good at relationships, but I will not be verbally bullied into a 'use-me-and-dump-me' position pretending to call it 'society'.
I bet he now regrets having once praised my great writing skills......

If you screw around with this 'loca' get nailed Mr. Dick Head.

Saturday, 11 August 2012


“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” 

This sentence has been haunting in my mind lately.... Why is it that honesty is such a rare trait? How difficult can it be to just be straight about what you feel or what you think. Are we so out of touch with our own feelings and emotions that we cannot provide an honest answer or honest reaction to what we face in life?  Has life become so shallow that we only react within the perimeters of our own stereotype.. too afraid of what others might think, and how they may react? Afraid of judgement and exclusion or rejection? Afraid of hurting others? But mostly afraid of our own self? Of who we might actually be?
Yet prepared to suffer the consequences created by these dishonest misconceptions. Only to create an even bigger web of self torture.

We tend to think that by avoiding the truth we avoid pain, but the opposite is what we achieve. Hence, making the truth something doubtful, because if we can't face it in a negative situation, we sure as hell can't believe it in the positive sense. Leaving it nowhere to be found.

After having put up protective barriers the size of the Wall of China - to safeguard my heart from pain - I realised that all they did was keep people out and make my heart a lonesome place. So much so that even the ones that tried to conquer it, lost the battle and walked away defeated by exhaustion.... After that realisation, I decided that it was going to be all or nothing, what you see is what you get, no hidden agenda, no fear, no pretending to be something I'm not. Pure and simple, ME.

I never, for one second thought that that would be an even tougher road to take. Not everybody is ready for the unplugged version. Some people hover in the comfort of 'make-believe'....and maybe that is what I did too, for the longest time. Only to find that it doesn't work, it's a denial stage of what we truly feel and who we really are. We play hide and seek from our own truth by creating a 'secure' sense of being - pretending we're someone we're not.....under the cloak of - 'who's kidding who' or better yet 'I'm kidding me AND you'. We hide from personal pain and anguish in there, and tell ourselves it's just a coping mechanism to survive, and that all we need is time. 
But it's NOT. Time is essential yes...but time to hide from what we honestly feel is wasted time!! 

The best way to deal with what comes your way in life, whether it's good or bad, in my humble opinion is by honestly reacting to it. Reach within your soul and feel what YOU feel. Be real and truthful about this to yourself and others and you will find that it magically uncomplicates life. It will not protect you from any negative or positive emotion, but I assure you FEELING..... really FEELING any emotion makes you come alive !!! 

May we all dare to dive into our guts for honesty and realise that within it lies the key to self and mutual respect. 

So unplug yourself from expectations and let the truth set you free !! 

Wednesday, 1 August 2012


For centuries we have been fed love story upon love story. Literature has provided us with the most fascinating examples of true love, unrequited love, tragic love, lost love, eternal love, re-united love and so many more breathtaking tales of passionate true love.

But what is love? Really.... Does it exist in real life like it does in the great novels and romantic movies?
And if so.... Then how and when can we tell it's the REAL Mc Coy?

I have lately mainly seen love go...disappear...and exit the lives of many dear to me, including mine. Not necessarily due to the loss of it, but mainly by choice...However, does love ever 'choose' to leave? And if so..was it even real love ? Or just an illusion? ..Sometimes we confuse habit, our need for love or plain lust... for love...
Sometimes, as if teasing us....even love prematurely buds, blossoming shortly, only to return later on for the full bloom.

Once a sceptic....but now a born again 'hopeless romantic' of this day and age, I cannot and will not let myself believe that anything or anyone can stand in the way of love, of TRUE love. Hence it's tragic yet hopeful character. Love never dissipates, when two souls that are meant to be; 'cannot be' just nestles itself safely into one of our heart's chambers....patiently awaiting the power of destiny.

Destiny being the glue that binds true love.

So why DO so many of us hide from it? Pretend true love doesn't exist, or convince ourselves that love is not in the cards for us...that true love does not exist except in fairy tales? That "Happily Ever After" is just a script line, designed as a box office hit. What is it that terrifies so many of us about this heartwarming emotion? Yet we secretly all long for it, cherish the thought of it and hope to find love and BE loved one day!

FEAR - fear of being nakedly vulnerable to a love unreciprocated....Human actions and emotions that may end up tearing up our lovestruck heart and grinding it to dust, leaving us broken and devastated as a result....

The simple truth, however, is...that the power of love is omnipotent... that there is no love without risk, there is no greatness without weakness, there is no glory without guts. In this life, there are few who dare to accept true love ...few brave enough to feel it, try it and to open up their hearts to all the possible pain and anguish this attempt may bring. But NOT trying is like NOT living...

It's ALL or NOTHING when it comes to love.

I like to think that love will find us no matter what, that destiny will work its charms to help us recognise it, and embrace it when it's staring us in the face.....That our fear of it is unfounded and unnecessary. ....That true love brings no harm but immense joy and warmth to those of us who actually DARE!! .....

 Love  then becomes unavoidable, unregretable and unforgettable....

You can run from love, pretend you don't see or feel it or even ignore its presence, believe me I've tried, but in the end there is no escaping it. Love will find YOU, every time.

So if it's not today, it may be tomorrow or the next day....but a love that is meant to be, will be....and :
 "unless it is mad passionate extraordinary love, it is a waste of time, there are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them." (*Dream for an Insomniac)