Sunday, 24 October 2010

Full Circle

I am officially dating a younger man !!!

Terrified that the world would be shocked but finding myself most 'struck' of all, I come to my blog to find some solace. Months of inner torture have preceded this act of  'living la vida loca'. Always struggling with what 'I am expected to do' and what 'I want to do'. Life seems to have thrown at me a huge challenge and great adventure. Yet feeling a bit wary and wondering how it may affect my children and their lives and views, and that of family and friends. Hoping no one gets hurt and trying to imagine how two such different lives will combine in real life situations. Daring to jump into the deep end, realising that if I don't I'll never know....and that in fact all relationships are a blind dive into unknown territory, and always carry the risk of pain or failure. But when it comes to love, you need to dare because if you don't, it will pass right by you.....

It took one deep fall into my past pains and unfounded fears, to realize that the person who had appeared into my life, was prepared to bear through the good and the bad days, to accept me as I am, and to not only like me, but my children also. Anything and everything about me, (to him), is what makes me who I am. As unbelievable as I might find is slowly but steadily becoming a reliable reality. My trust issues still haunt me, and pop up now and again and a lot of doubts still cross my mind, but it helps that they can be discussed and talked about now.

It is like learning how to walk again after years of being bedridden. Each and every new step is taken slowly, carefully and with great excitement and pride, but sometimes it is tough and exhausting and you feel you cannot bring yourself to it anymore...I now see that that is when the other person's love and affection carries you that, so important, 'extra mile'.

So, embarking on extremely new territory and with no clue as to where this will go, and how the world will look upon us, we bravely (well, the bravery credit must go to him, for I am nowhere near as brave) tread the waters of the unknown !!!

Like I have often said before, life brings us challenges and possibilities in the strangest of wrappings, and it is up to us to unwrap and unravel them cautiously and with a desire to explore them as best we can.

In my case years of living according to rules and regulations, have been replaced by living la vida loca it seems, but I must say that it makes me happy, aware of all the beauty life has offered and feeling as well balanced as any other person. So with this new foundation of creativity, joy and open spirit, I must admit I feel revived, alive and kickin' !!!

A 'cure' I wish upon many others, for it is a blessing to realise that love is a full circle, no beginning and no end.

Monday, 11 October 2010

Clam Man

All too often in the past I have tried not to hurt anyone, avoiding confrontations with friends and even family. Arguments would only take place within my own four walls and the 'poor' ex had to deal with all of my frustrations and temperamental outbursts, because of my refusal to confront the person and or issue I truly had a problem with. I think that when we 'grow up', this feeling of 'caution' disappears and we learn to stand for our own wants and wishes.

I know that lately I have started exploring that. Scared to death to lose friends that way, but also realising that if I don't, I'll lose myself .

When it comes to men the issue is more complicated.

A friend of mine is 'stuck' in the tug of war of passionate desire. She fell in love with a seemingly wonderful man, who just lacked some TLC  (tender love and care) in order to dare to open up. She gave him plenty. Kindness, love and affection. Like a clam, he slowly showed some of his inner space, only to shut down and shut her out soon after. He left her lingering for more, but from that point on it had become too 'dangerous' for him and he promptly decided not to let her in again, off he went in search of a new adventure. Funny as this individual was not the adventurous type when it came to love...he found some southern temperamental diva and probably reenacted the same clam-jam-act with her.

Meanwhile my friend was going through a medical crisis of her own and found herself longing for this long lost friendship. Still feeling so connected with her clam-man, that she truly hoped he would come through in her hour of need. The hour came and passed but the clam-man was nowhere in sight. No call, no mail, not a single sign of life. She defended him, saying it was hard for him to stand by her at this moment as it brought him painful memories. And still...nothing. To this day, he has not asked her how she has been, even though he has responded to some business emails from her in the meantime. An absolute riddle as to why love goes the way it goes and why we want what we can't have, it seems.

It makes me wonder why, as women, we so feel the need to nurture this indecent behaviour. Why is it so hard to believe that we deserve more and better !! And when that suddenly finds you, more often than not, we decide that a man who is prepared to make the proper 'sacrifices' for us, is not the 'type' of man we're after...afterall.
She's slowly started letting go, step by step, day by day. His picture has been removed, leaving a clean mark on a dusty shelf. The place he has in her heart remains untouched however. Hopeful still... but secretly knowing that he will most probably not return any time soon, if ever....

Having found herself surviving yet another dispappointment in her life, she still shows incredible courage and life spirit, and like in any sequel, the end of this tale surprises us with a twist..... clam-man re-appears from out of nowhere and the storyline takes an unexpected turn..... To be continued !!

Monday, 4 October 2010

What if...

So what if you found yourself dating a much younger man, but not feeling a day past his age. Lost in the emotions of it all, loving the attention, the charming ways of his courtship, and wondering how it is possible that such a young man could fall head over heals in love with an older woman. The thought has crossed my mind many a time, for it does happen, and the phenomenon intrigues me.

It's insane, of course it is;  no way in the world these two people could be compatible, or even have anything in common, right ?! But then how do you explain the multitude of men that choose to fall in love with a woman 15 to 20 years their minor. In our modern day society that is totally acceptable. Sadly even in cases where a perfectly commendable 'older' woman has been exchanged for a newer, younger version. Even then, we tolerate and accept it. After all, a woman should look up to her man, and that is more likely if they're significantly a few years younger than the man they're dating..

When it comes to younger men though, it's a different story. We consider them 'immature', too 'baby-faced' and just not 'fully baked'. But who says that's the case with all young men?! Isn't it possible that there are a few older souls out there?! Those that may have matured quicker in certain areas and think with the same 'age' of grey-matter we do. They are out there, and to confuse us all even more, they are sometimes even further along than most men our own age, ladies...!!!

The consequences of such a relationship are probably grand however. To begin with, if there are children involved they are usually shocked or maybe even scarred for life, friends may drop you like alfredo, as you seem to have gone haywire with such a choice. And family well, that is awkward enough too, as you may have to meet the parents, one day, who may only be a little bit older than yourself and that in itself seems unacceptable and extremely inexcusable.

So why is it that there's sometimes the attraction without age consideration?! Take away the numbers and the souls may fit. What is the proper thing to do then?! Do you follow your heart, or do you go with what goes?!

Of course if you want to set yourself up for a heartbreak, this may be the best way to go. A younger guy will have many more opportunities to leave you for another woman, or in his case another life. I have no idea what the odds are of such a relationship prevailing. Too many obstacles seem to pop into mind and with the current situation on 'same aged' people separating, I should think that adding the age hurdle will only complicate things even further....

Then again, a woman may find herself in some sort of need to satify her (maybe last) sexual peak and still feel attractive enough to challenge herself by testing the waters. If so, then this combination seems Godsend, as younger men are said to be more virile and willing, as opposed to their older adversaries. Something that in itself makes you wonder what the older man does with his younger woman, as we mostly (like to) think it has to do with a greater sexual appetite. I think, however, that there is more of an 'adoration' issue there, than anything else. Men love to be looked up to and admired, and admittedly, younger women still do that. Older ones know better. No offence.

Don't get me wrong though, for I am not against an age difference, it's only when age becomes part of the problem that I react strongly against it.
So, to conclude, why is it that in today's society, where so much is tolerated and accepted, the idea of a woman dating a younger man is still so outdated? ... I wonder, do we feel threatened as a society, or is it just a case of men (still) having more priviledges than women even in this day and AGE?!