Sunshine or not, the tough days still seem to appear out of the blue. Funny how you can be surrounded by wonderful friends and family, yet feel so lonely at times. It just goes to show that loneliness is inside of you, not influenced by outside factors. (Although keeping busy can help your lonely spirit hide.)
Today happens to be one of those days...the sun is out and making everyone happy, yet I find myself excluded from it. No kids, no friends, no family. Just me.
Draining in self pity I guess, for a bit...as no happy thought and no amount of sunshine seems to do the trick.
It's just one of those days...
We all have them I'm sure, a friend of mine has had to put her kids on a plane for a month long trip to visit their father abroad, it must have been so hard for her to do, yet she will hopefully not feel lonely as she has found her prince charming and his love and attention will take the edge off missing her girls.
I know you should never count on the other person for your own happiness, that's not how it works, you need to be and feel happy yourself and the other person will just add to that. Thing is.....it would be nice at times to have that addition...just that little bit extra. Knowing a special person out there thinks the world of you and will undrown your sorrow. Can't help but think that makes me greedy and needy....yet doesn't everyone hope to find that ?!
It's on the off days that life looks so gloomy, and for some reason, it's hard for me to get through them...
Miss my kids, and all their laughter. Feel excluded from friend and family events, as sometimes my presence is no longer appreciated. It makes things awkward and hard for everyone involved, I am still the same person, just no longer suitable. All very understandable, which makes it even harder at times, for I do not want to let anyone feel uncomfortable or obliged.
It's weird how it happens that by being single at my age, makes you less likely to get invited to things that couples and families do together. Especially at weekends and dinner parties. So best and only option is to find your own fun in life. And I say this trying to convince myself out of my solitude mood. ;-)
A full 24 hours of indulging myself in ME time, and not having had a single proper conversation with anyone, leaves me feeling like a hermit, secluded from society. And that is not my thing.
Even so, a 'time out' is good for everyone, time to self reflect, ponder and wonder. Life is not always on the up, so it's good to explore the lowlands.
I wouldn't be me if a plan of action had not been made so ....as the skies turn grey and rain approaches, soon enough my kids will be back home, grandparents will be visiting and enough food to feed the hungry will decorate the table !! Now THAT, is what I call living the good life !
The loneliness ? It gets tucked away till next time.... ;-)