In total disbelief that perfect isn't perfect when you're not feeling it....I find myself grateful for the love that came my way, yet I couldn't reciprocate it. However hard I wanted to and tried, something was missing. Not sure what and why though, and very convinced that it wasn't in what I received but in what I couldn't give.
Wondering if all the love I had has just run out....or whether I will never be able to love as much and therefore always feel the lack of it. Maybe misinterpreting what's left, for there not being enough.
It seems unfair to only take and not give, to receive and not offer. When you get something in abundance, at first it seems enough to carry all, but once the daylight hours hit, the rays of sun point out the cracks. Not wanting to face those we stuff them with good intentions and pretty promises, but the brightness of the truth still has a way of peeping through the holes. Always bringing to light the things we do not want to see.
Feeling a majestic sense of loss, I choose to travel my path alone again. In the knowledge that I will do fine, but missing the warmth and comfort of that person walking right beside me every step of the way, bearing in mind that we should never walk together just because we are afraid to walk alone. Having said that, I feel that in my case I may be so afraid of walking together again that the path alone seems easier, less complicated and more comfortable. Sad but true.
With a sense of great appreciation and gratitude for what unexpectedly came my way, and struggling to find my bearings once again, I continue this path utterly thankful for the unconditional bliss that I was blessed with.
Scared to death that by saying goodbye for all the right reasons, I may never find what I was so generously given, ever again.
But like all in life, we live and we learn, only if we dig do we get deeper, and only if we think do we figure things out, nothing ever came of any dreamer who didn't live it out.* So considering this in mind and heart, I set a course once again on this journey of unbelievable wonders.