So...out of pure curiosity and a reminder that my subscription was coming to an end, I once again dared to take a look at the 'online available men catalogue'. Within a few minutes the first message bleeped in my inbox. It was short and to the point. 'I like your picture, if you want more, write back to me'...now there's a real charmer !! ;-)
After a little while a second message entered my inbox, this time it was longer and more flattering, and seeing that the picture looked ok by my standards, I replied. I was soon asked to meet up on MSN. Now you have to know that in the dating world as I know it, being asked to chat on MSN is not always a good thing, so I was reasonably prepared.... About 4 minutes into the light conversation...the topic 'sex' popped up, on my screen... all my courage sank and within seconds I had deleted, blocked and gotten rid of this attention seeking individual.
It seems easy enough, except you end up feeling 'used' and 'abused'. I had decided not to let that happen again, yet there, within seconds it just 'sneaked in'.
It made me re-think the whole dating scene all over again. And without wanting to sound bitter or negative, it just seems to me, that there are no 'honourable' available men out there right now, for some odd reason.
It has left me a little discouraged and disappointed to say the least, yet if I'm very honest, I have no idea how a man would fit into my life, OUR life, anyway...!! I like having the freedom to decide what to do, when and with whom. No TV-channel arguments, shoes to trip over, underwear in the 'lost and found' corner of the bathroom and no snoring in bed (except my own occasional snore..;-)).
Yet I find myself sending a 'message' to a much younger friendly looking man. He responds kindly and even seems keen to meet. Still young enough to 'block' the thought of me having 3 kids out of his mind for now and sensible enough to wait and see if there is even a 'click' between us. He keeps up a cheerful and amusing email conversation with me for a few days and then drags his MSN out of the 'dustbin' to engage in quicker chit chat. He is too kind, too soft and too willing once again. So interest is lost from my side. Unbelievable.
How is it possible that we seem programmed to mainly want what we can't have ?!
So I let the contact die out once again....this time it's a good and sensible decision. He's too young, and deserves a life and litter of his own !
The quest however does not continue.... it's TIME OUT, time to enjoy a wonderful summer with the kids. I feel relieved, free and I look forward to this new fase I'm entering....
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." - Sex and the City