Right, the journey is about to begin, buckle up and get yourself a front seat as I'm about to embark on one of life's most fascinating adventures....the 'WHO AM I - trip' !!
Most of us choose to ignore the whole bloody trip, because to be honest it's a real hassle to pack and prepare for it, and it's not always what it's cracked up to be, especially when we hit upon the rough and ugly spots....but they're a MUST if you want to do this trip to the max. If you only look at the goody-two-shoes-bit, then you'll end up letting your inner demon reign. You can't have one without the other....and once you've explored both ends of those dug outs, then you need to balance them out, find a truce between them and decide which stuff to dump and which to keep.
The point of this whole journey is to make myself the centre of MY universe. Know what I like, and what I don't, why I do and why I don't, what to do and what not, who to keep and who not, simply tie some knots and throw out some sandbags. All this...seen from MY point of view, not yours, or my mom's, or my childrens' or any good friends' .....no, MINE !! very selfishly ....just mine.
What and who do I give a shit about....what makes me tick, what triggers me and how ? Why do I yearn to please some and not others, how do I stop seeking approval and just ZEN into my own vibe of approval and appreciation.
This trip is not for the faint hearted, or those that are still too concerned with how they profile themselves upon others...NO. If you're still into that, then don't bother reading any further!! I mean, you too may have a trip to go on : ALONE, that is a MUST. But feel free to tap into my guideline as you follow along....REMEMBER though...it's MY guideline, not yours, seek your own eventually !!
It is a journey into your inner self region, scary territory.....so be prepared, open yourself to countless possibilities and outcomes, as the destination is never revealed beforehand !!
Mine has started, due to a build up of emotions that just poured out, unrelentlessly, sometimes in private and other times just whenever they felt like it (very embarrassing, mind you). At first I thought it would quickly pass, but it didn't, so I started going to massages, just to get rid of the tension and believing that getting my back rubbed would melt those troubles away too... NOPE....it's helping, but it's only ONE tool....
Next one is YOGA.....I am now slowly learning to breathe again....yes, you can't imagine what it's like to actually feel cool breath enter your mouth, pass your throat, into your chest and way down into your tummy, slowly....thoughtfully and controlled. It's Exhilarating !!
The yoga itself with it's stretch and relaxation is helping my body regain it's strength and flexibility, preparing it to become my 'TEMPLE' (I know, I've never been into all these 'abracadabra' words either, but they kind of emphasise my point here!)
Today I took a new step, I visited an acupuncturist.....not a single needle entered my body, but just by pressing a little here and there and asking to see my tongue (blech!!!). He gave me a glimpse of myself, the one I had desperately tried to hide from him !!!
And here's the clue....NO HIDING...not from myself, because if I do, I'll only kid myself and this trip will just end up being postponed till next time....
I'm not one for waiting as you all may know by now and so, I choose to take this trip NOW, and enjoy the ride wherever possible.
I apologise beforehand to those I may end up 'hurting' or 'losing' on this trip, it's not my intention to do so, but I've been told that there will be casualties and friendships may dissolve. The 'pleaser' in me is saying sorry now, as I may not feel sorry about it, once I find my true ME, you know... the confident one, that may no longer give a flying f@ck about your opinion, but will take your honest concern or advice into account, realising I will never be 'better' than you. That is not the point of this. The point is self reflection, self knowledge and self indulgence, to find the inner peace needed to be happy with just ME.
Apparently after that, all the rest is bonus happiness !!
Ok, fasten your seat belts, hold on tight......this crazy woman is on her way to the next level !!! :-)