When you find yourself suffocating in the bling-bling bubble of riches, it's time for a breath of fresh air ! Luckily I'm one of those incredibly nosey and curious beings and so, I went to visit my friends at the trailer park. It's absolutely blissful there, a private beach surrounding a small lake, playing areas for the kids and most of all, nature, lots of nature !! (Of all sorts yes, even the people there go for the 'natural look' - which means a no nonsense approach to hairy armpits and make up). They GROW with the FLOW ;-). I love it, it helps me forget about all my 'insecurity' issues, being surrounded by people of all shapes and sizes,who don't give a shit, is innovating and well,.... 'refreshing' in a certain sense of the word.... !!
On my first visit, I met the wonderful 'Miss Sop' ....probably THE 'trailerpark-babe-on-heals' (Goodness knows how she manages parading around on those ;-) ). Her nickname derived from her attention craving pouts and smalltalk, and as you may have gathered her actual 'look'...Once a blond 'bombshell', now a forty something with grey roots and wrinkles. The way she flicks her hair is 'just right' and only meant for some.....or maybe even for just THE one...THE (only) eligible bachelor at the trailer park. To him I'd just like to say, "thank goodness you're only there for the summer"... I don't think you'd survive getting fully 'drenched' by Miss Sop !!
Another thing that struck me, and you may think me 'blond' for saying so, but....some people have NOT been blessed with very much grey matter IN the head department. And believe it or not, it does not have much to do with hair colour, like we tend to joke about...I guess it's more to do with 'breeding'. One guy, simply redefines the word 'dumbo'....I mean no offence, and I'm sure none will be (or is even possibly) taken on his behalf... He walks around dressed (yes, I guess it's a miracle he's dressed!)....in clothes that are at least 4 sizes too big for him, his head looks like an egg with black hair ..(and believe me the mental picture you just made, FITS!) he carries around his iPod (no, it's not a Walkman, I mean it IS 2012...even at the trailer park....duhhh). If he gets the chance he'll look for a seat nearby anyone really....to listen to whatever is playing through the earphones, whilst letting out deep and melancholic sighs of...relief/pleasure? It may even be his way of 'orgasming' the sound of music !! Who can say.....!! All I can say is.....it's the most terrifying habit I have seen anyone have. It makes you wonder whether this guy is really mentally challenged or a pervert in disguise. I hope the first, even for him.
After spending the day gawking at these 'new' and fascinating bunch of people, I went home and realised the bling-bling bubble is not that different a place, (we too have Miss Sops, Mr. Creepies and the way we try to go against the natural flow of nature is so exceptionally frantic that it makes us look just as bizar, if not worse) except we DO have brain matter therefore we SHOULD know better than to behave the way we often do.....or maybe ignorance is (really) bliss.....at all levels.
Friday, 27 July 2012
Monday, 18 June 2012
Single Me
It has been nearly six months since I was in what I would like to call - a serious relationship, but one that in retrospect, I never took seriously enough until it was too late. The cliche is true : you don't know what you have, until it's gone.
So now what ?!
Do I really want another man in my life ?!
The 'exploring' each other again...
The 'explaining' my personal manual again ?! (It's now officially thicker than the bible !!)
My whys and why not's, my fears and insecurities thrown out in the open - AGAIN ?!
I don't think so, not now and not for a long time to come I suspect.
It's like when I read a good book, I couldn't for the life of me get into the next one straight away, I need to let it sink in, process and settle. It needs time, time to find a place in the heart and mind.
A few years ago though, I didn't do that, I jumped from one 'book' into the next, if you know what I mean. Most weren't even 'books' or 'articles', but just enticing 'headings', that lead to nothing and left me empty. No fulfilment, no meaning, desperately craving for more as I was obviously not finding whatever I was looking for. It only dawned on me, after I spent one and a half years pegging away at a story that felt too good to be true, that what I wanted was staring me straight in the face, yet it took me forever to get into the storyline. Then, just when it all started making sense to me, I actually lost the plot, the ending began to unravel as I realised that I was in my own little fairytale, and prince charming had galloped by - tried his best....yet left disheartened... because I was too busy worrying about the pitfalls that could tear us apart. In the end, I had created them myself. A wonderful story turned sour, by my own potion of troubled imagination and fear.
Don't take me wrong, I love men, I love the fact that they are so opposite to us women, the way they think differently and act so much more primal than we do. They worry less and live by the day. Making life seem less complicated ...easier.
I just don't think there is room for a man in my life, not now. It's time to sit down and literally write and re-write my own (story) book and see what new plot and which (new) characters will fill the pages !!
So now what ?!
Do I really want another man in my life ?!
The 'exploring' each other again...
The 'explaining' my personal manual again ?! (It's now officially thicker than the bible !!)
My whys and why not's, my fears and insecurities thrown out in the open - AGAIN ?!
I don't think so, not now and not for a long time to come I suspect.
It's like when I read a good book, I couldn't for the life of me get into the next one straight away, I need to let it sink in, process and settle. It needs time, time to find a place in the heart and mind.
A few years ago though, I didn't do that, I jumped from one 'book' into the next, if you know what I mean. Most weren't even 'books' or 'articles', but just enticing 'headings', that lead to nothing and left me empty. No fulfilment, no meaning, desperately craving for more as I was obviously not finding whatever I was looking for. It only dawned on me, after I spent one and a half years pegging away at a story that felt too good to be true, that what I wanted was staring me straight in the face, yet it took me forever to get into the storyline. Then, just when it all started making sense to me, I actually lost the plot, the ending began to unravel as I realised that I was in my own little fairytale, and prince charming had galloped by - tried his best....yet left disheartened... because I was too busy worrying about the pitfalls that could tear us apart. In the end, I had created them myself. A wonderful story turned sour, by my own potion of troubled imagination and fear.
Don't take me wrong, I love men, I love the fact that they are so opposite to us women, the way they think differently and act so much more primal than we do. They worry less and live by the day. Making life seem less complicated ...easier.
I just don't think there is room for a man in my life, not now. It's time to sit down and literally write and re-write my own (story) book and see what new plot and which (new) characters will fill the pages !!
Monday, 11 June 2012
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
I'm getting there...
Life to some of us is a string of soul searching moments, finding out who we are and why we are what we are. We struggle with our inner selves, our feelings and emotions, debating whether one choice is better than the other and 'comfort' our friends and ourselves by saying, 'yes,I'm fine thanks, I'm not there yet, but I'm getting there....'
Getting WHERE?? Where are we supposed to be getting ? Is there like an end station to our thoughts and feelings ? Do we approach the day when all will be clear and solved ? Does everything fall into place at a certain point in our lives?? And if that happens, what the heck comes next ?? I mean, once we 'get there' right ?! THEN what ?
Nope, sorry, not working for me, this expression is just not how I see things. I don't have an end destination, no particular place I'd like to get to, or goal that I feel that should be reached. Not because I'm not motivated or plain lazy. But because I do try to keep an open mind and spirit and am constantly searching for challenges and answers to whatever comes my way!! You can't just define your destination on a random day and work your way to it as if it's the dishes you're gonna do !! I don't think you can call this ongoing process : - 'the 'I'm getting there' - any time now - process'. Life on that level is a whole new ball game !! You challenge yourself, awaken, open your mind and soul to thrive on all the new stuff learnt, this then helps you evolve in a certain direction, an evolution that isn't always designed to better or worsen your old self, just BE. Because that's what it is, we ARE what we are at certain points in life, due to circumstances and experiences, we BECOME. Every moment we become the next, and every next moment is a new person that we've become. Ever changing, yet constant at the core.
Of course we all make a rough draft of what our dreams and wishes are for ourselves and these are good to keep us focused and keep our instincts vivid and they are there to help us on our way along the path of life. No end point though, just millions of possibilities out there just for grabs. We pick and choose as we wish, keep the stuff we like and get rid of what we don't...and what we pick today, will be different to what we pick tomorrow, as will what we return, and what seems useless now, may one day be (again) of greater value. There is no right or wrong in this....it's not a test and you can't fail. So if you can't fail, then it seems extremely likely that you can't 'get there' either, which shows how limitless life is and how rich it's fruits to pick. You'll never run out of possibilities, chances or risks to take as long as you're prepared to take them. And once you do...another universe full of options opens up to you just like that. You can always keep changing the combinations adding and subtracting, all the time experiencing the happiness of endless options and chances..
In that line of thought lies my belief and....hope that ANYTHING is possible, ALWAYS !! And so I'm not getting there, I'm on my way !!!
Getting WHERE?? Where are we supposed to be getting ? Is there like an end station to our thoughts and feelings ? Do we approach the day when all will be clear and solved ? Does everything fall into place at a certain point in our lives?? And if that happens, what the heck comes next ?? I mean, once we 'get there' right ?! THEN what ?
Nope, sorry, not working for me, this expression is just not how I see things. I don't have an end destination, no particular place I'd like to get to, or goal that I feel that should be reached. Not because I'm not motivated or plain lazy. But because I do try to keep an open mind and spirit and am constantly searching for challenges and answers to whatever comes my way!! You can't just define your destination on a random day and work your way to it as if it's the dishes you're gonna do !! I don't think you can call this ongoing process : - 'the 'I'm getting there' - any time now - process'. Life on that level is a whole new ball game !! You challenge yourself, awaken, open your mind and soul to thrive on all the new stuff learnt, this then helps you evolve in a certain direction, an evolution that isn't always designed to better or worsen your old self, just BE. Because that's what it is, we ARE what we are at certain points in life, due to circumstances and experiences, we BECOME. Every moment we become the next, and every next moment is a new person that we've become. Ever changing, yet constant at the core.
Of course we all make a rough draft of what our dreams and wishes are for ourselves and these are good to keep us focused and keep our instincts vivid and they are there to help us on our way along the path of life. No end point though, just millions of possibilities out there just for grabs. We pick and choose as we wish, keep the stuff we like and get rid of what we don't...and what we pick today, will be different to what we pick tomorrow, as will what we return, and what seems useless now, may one day be (again) of greater value. There is no right or wrong in this....it's not a test and you can't fail. So if you can't fail, then it seems extremely likely that you can't 'get there' either, which shows how limitless life is and how rich it's fruits to pick. You'll never run out of possibilities, chances or risks to take as long as you're prepared to take them. And once you do...another universe full of options opens up to you just like that. You can always keep changing the combinations adding and subtracting, all the time experiencing the happiness of endless options and chances..
In that line of thought lies my belief and....hope that ANYTHING is possible, ALWAYS !! And so I'm not getting there, I'm on my way !!!
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Rainy Days
It has been rainy and grey now for months on end. I think that at this point many of us feel drained by it's constant presence. We are in need of light, warmth and sun, or so we say. In a world governed by materialism, we seem unable to just pre-order this particular commodity. And so it makes us gloomy and emphasises the hard times.
Yet rain has a way of washing away your troubles, cleansing and refreshing the air we breathe. I have found that other side to this rain. A side, like most of us, that I had slightly forgotten. You see, rain makes the insides cosy, being stuck indoors together promotes bonding. A sense of closeness that sunshine cannot provide. Obviously sunshine makes you feel good, and feeling good is a wonderful sensation, the thing is, it's not hard to feel good when the sun is out and everything is looking bright....it's when the outsides are gloomy and teary that the gift of feeling good is felt best. Snuggling together on a couch to watch a movie or turning on the oven to bake delicious cakes with your kids, or even sitting down to a good and long overdue conversation are some of the things that warm our hearts profoundly. I've noticed that rain brings togetherness, joins and stimulates friendships into deeper levels. We get to the root of things - so to speak.
Having been through a rough few months lately, I have found that it is bad times that help us find the good ones. Taking myself out for a walk every single day, has opened my eyes to what beauties this rain has brought to nature. Trees are now a fluorescent shade of early spring green, flowers are starting to bloom, birds come out to sing and flirt with one another and the smell of fresh rain in the woods HAS to be one of the most amazing smells on earth...a musky yet fresh aroma of quenched earth and drenched trees that warms your heart in a way the sun cannot. Why ? Because it is a miracle found hidden away from the obvious!! That is where the secret lies.
So just a word of thanks to the ever lasting rainy days for reminding me that what seems dreary can actually hold extreme beauty and warmth and that happiness is found where you least expect it.
Yet rain has a way of washing away your troubles, cleansing and refreshing the air we breathe. I have found that other side to this rain. A side, like most of us, that I had slightly forgotten. You see, rain makes the insides cosy, being stuck indoors together promotes bonding. A sense of closeness that sunshine cannot provide. Obviously sunshine makes you feel good, and feeling good is a wonderful sensation, the thing is, it's not hard to feel good when the sun is out and everything is looking bright....it's when the outsides are gloomy and teary that the gift of feeling good is felt best. Snuggling together on a couch to watch a movie or turning on the oven to bake delicious cakes with your kids, or even sitting down to a good and long overdue conversation are some of the things that warm our hearts profoundly. I've noticed that rain brings togetherness, joins and stimulates friendships into deeper levels. We get to the root of things - so to speak.
Having been through a rough few months lately, I have found that it is bad times that help us find the good ones. Taking myself out for a walk every single day, has opened my eyes to what beauties this rain has brought to nature. Trees are now a fluorescent shade of early spring green, flowers are starting to bloom, birds come out to sing and flirt with one another and the smell of fresh rain in the woods HAS to be one of the most amazing smells on earth...a musky yet fresh aroma of quenched earth and drenched trees that warms your heart in a way the sun cannot. Why ? Because it is a miracle found hidden away from the obvious!! That is where the secret lies.
So just a word of thanks to the ever lasting rainy days for reminding me that what seems dreary can actually hold extreme beauty and warmth and that happiness is found where you least expect it.
Friday, 20 April 2012
Mannerism
As a woman, it's utterly impossible to even fathom the thought of trying to understand a man's way of thinking. Believe me, I've tried. A man does and says things that we women often misinterpret from start to end. We are mostly left in the confusion of wonder. Often trying to fill in the question marks by filling in the gaps with our own way of thinking. This takes us even farther from what goes on in a man's head.
So, what does go on in there ? Anything ? Anyone ?
Nope, I don't have the answers, if anything, I am more at a loss for them than ever....I find myself trying every time to see the logic of their brain patterns, wondering if thoughts take place in their head, heart or a few inches lower even ....each time I'm convinced that I've figured it out and know which 'buttons' to press, the sequence changes and I find myself starting from scratch again.
Some profess their undying love to you, only to turn around one day and simply say they've changed their minds and no longer feel that way about you. Just like that....no warning, so you're left wondering what 'killed' the moment, what killed that 'once-upon-a-time-unconditional-love', which suddenly became 'conditional'.
We women would give off some signs, hints and screams making it clear that something might not be going in the right direction, alarm bells would be ringing - in desperate attempts to make the needed changes or adjustments. But a man, a man sits on his problems, refuses to talk about them by entering his safe zone...'the man cave'....while they keep us outside at a safe distance, the result being that we women, will only find out what the verdict is once he decides to come out of there having made up his mind. There and then, there will be no more room for discussion, once it's made up, it's made up.
So why are there so many bestsellers on the shelves on how to read your man's mind ? How to conquer his emotions, and lure him back into your world again? Is that even possible after a cave session ? Having read a few of those 'self-help-books' (which don't really live up to their name anyway)...I've come to the conclusion that however hard a woman tries and WANTS to understand men, in order to make life easier, they just CANNOT.
There is no set of rules that applies to all....there are no answers if he feels he has no questions, there is no logic if he wants none. Life just comes at it is. Everyday brings a new set of 'rules'.
It's time to just accept that. No more bending over backwards to apologise or understand, no more trying to prove that things could be different next time. No more begging or pleading into an unknown mind. A woman is a woman and a man is a man. Or else all it's going to be is a woman's point of view on a man's perception....and that .....is useless. Stick to what you know, not what you don't and never assume.
So, what does go on in there ? Anything ? Anyone ?
Nope, I don't have the answers, if anything, I am more at a loss for them than ever....I find myself trying every time to see the logic of their brain patterns, wondering if thoughts take place in their head, heart or a few inches lower even ....each time I'm convinced that I've figured it out and know which 'buttons' to press, the sequence changes and I find myself starting from scratch again.
Some profess their undying love to you, only to turn around one day and simply say they've changed their minds and no longer feel that way about you. Just like that....no warning, so you're left wondering what 'killed' the moment, what killed that 'once-upon-a-time-unconditional-love', which suddenly became 'conditional'.
We women would give off some signs, hints and screams making it clear that something might not be going in the right direction, alarm bells would be ringing - in desperate attempts to make the needed changes or adjustments. But a man, a man sits on his problems, refuses to talk about them by entering his safe zone...'the man cave'....while they keep us outside at a safe distance, the result being that we women, will only find out what the verdict is once he decides to come out of there having made up his mind. There and then, there will be no more room for discussion, once it's made up, it's made up.
So why are there so many bestsellers on the shelves on how to read your man's mind ? How to conquer his emotions, and lure him back into your world again? Is that even possible after a cave session ? Having read a few of those 'self-help-books' (which don't really live up to their name anyway)...I've come to the conclusion that however hard a woman tries and WANTS to understand men, in order to make life easier, they just CANNOT.
There is no set of rules that applies to all....there are no answers if he feels he has no questions, there is no logic if he wants none. Life just comes at it is. Everyday brings a new set of 'rules'.
It's time to just accept that. No more bending over backwards to apologise or understand, no more trying to prove that things could be different next time. No more begging or pleading into an unknown mind. A woman is a woman and a man is a man. Or else all it's going to be is a woman's point of view on a man's perception....and that .....is useless. Stick to what you know, not what you don't and never assume.
Monday, 26 March 2012
Intro Mies
Right, the journey is about to begin, buckle up and get yourself a front seat as I'm about to embark on one of life's most fascinating adventures....the 'WHO AM I - trip' !!
Most of us choose to ignore the whole bloody trip, because to be honest it's a real hassle to pack and prepare for it, and it's not always what it's cracked up to be, especially when we hit upon the rough and ugly spots....but they're a MUST if you want to do this trip to the max. If you only look at the goody-two-shoes-bit, then you'll end up letting your inner demon reign. You can't have one without the other....and once you've explored both ends of those dug outs, then you need to balance them out, find a truce between them and decide which stuff to dump and which to keep.
The point of this whole journey is to make myself the centre of MY universe. Know what I like, and what I don't, why I do and why I don't, what to do and what not, who to keep and who not, simply tie some knots and throw out some sandbags. All this...seen from MY point of view, not yours, or my mom's, or my childrens' or any good friends' .....no, MINE !! very selfishly ....just mine.
What and who do I give a shit about....what makes me tick, what triggers me and how ? Why do I yearn to please some and not others, how do I stop seeking approval and just ZEN into my own vibe of approval and appreciation.
This trip is not for the faint hearted, or those that are still too concerned with how they profile themselves upon others...NO. If you're still into that, then don't bother reading any further!! I mean, you too may have a trip to go on : ALONE, that is a MUST. But feel free to tap into my guideline as you follow along....REMEMBER though...it's MY guideline, not yours, seek your own eventually !!
It is a journey into your inner self region, scary territory.....so be prepared, open yourself to countless possibilities and outcomes, as the destination is never revealed beforehand !!
Mine has started, due to a build up of emotions that just poured out, unrelentlessly, sometimes in private and other times just whenever they felt like it (very embarrassing, mind you). At first I thought it would quickly pass, but it didn't, so I started going to massages, just to get rid of the tension and believing that getting my back rubbed would melt those troubles away too... NOPE....it's helping, but it's only ONE tool....
Next one is YOGA.....I am now slowly learning to breathe again....yes, you can't imagine what it's like to actually feel cool breath enter your mouth, pass your throat, into your chest and way down into your tummy, slowly....thoughtfully and controlled. It's Exhilarating !!
The yoga itself with it's stretch and relaxation is helping my body regain it's strength and flexibility, preparing it to become my 'TEMPLE' (I know, I've never been into all these 'abracadabra' words either, but they kind of emphasise my point here!)
Today I took a new step, I visited an acupuncturist.....not a single needle entered my body, but just by pressing a little here and there and asking to see my tongue (blech!!!). He gave me a glimpse of myself, the one I had desperately tried to hide from him !!!
And here's the clue....NO HIDING...not from myself, because if I do, I'll only kid myself and this trip will just end up being postponed till next time....
I'm not one for waiting as you all may know by now and so, I choose to take this trip NOW, and enjoy the ride wherever possible.
I apologise beforehand to those I may end up 'hurting' or 'losing' on this trip, it's not my intention to do so, but I've been told that there will be casualties and friendships may dissolve. The 'pleaser' in me is saying sorry now, as I may not feel sorry about it, once I find my true ME, you know... the confident one, that may no longer give a flying f@ck about your opinion, but will take your honest concern or advice into account, realising I will never be 'better' than you. That is not the point of this. The point is self reflection, self knowledge and self indulgence, to find the inner peace needed to be happy with just ME.
Apparently after that, all the rest is bonus happiness !!
Ok, fasten your seat belts, hold on tight......this crazy woman is on her way to the next level !!! :-)
Most of us choose to ignore the whole bloody trip, because to be honest it's a real hassle to pack and prepare for it, and it's not always what it's cracked up to be, especially when we hit upon the rough and ugly spots....but they're a MUST if you want to do this trip to the max. If you only look at the goody-two-shoes-bit, then you'll end up letting your inner demon reign. You can't have one without the other....and once you've explored both ends of those dug outs, then you need to balance them out, find a truce between them and decide which stuff to dump and which to keep.
The point of this whole journey is to make myself the centre of MY universe. Know what I like, and what I don't, why I do and why I don't, what to do and what not, who to keep and who not, simply tie some knots and throw out some sandbags. All this...seen from MY point of view, not yours, or my mom's, or my childrens' or any good friends' .....no, MINE !! very selfishly ....just mine.
What and who do I give a shit about....what makes me tick, what triggers me and how ? Why do I yearn to please some and not others, how do I stop seeking approval and just ZEN into my own vibe of approval and appreciation.
This trip is not for the faint hearted, or those that are still too concerned with how they profile themselves upon others...NO. If you're still into that, then don't bother reading any further!! I mean, you too may have a trip to go on : ALONE, that is a MUST. But feel free to tap into my guideline as you follow along....REMEMBER though...it's MY guideline, not yours, seek your own eventually !!
It is a journey into your inner self region, scary territory.....so be prepared, open yourself to countless possibilities and outcomes, as the destination is never revealed beforehand !!
Mine has started, due to a build up of emotions that just poured out, unrelentlessly, sometimes in private and other times just whenever they felt like it (very embarrassing, mind you). At first I thought it would quickly pass, but it didn't, so I started going to massages, just to get rid of the tension and believing that getting my back rubbed would melt those troubles away too... NOPE....it's helping, but it's only ONE tool....
Next one is YOGA.....I am now slowly learning to breathe again....yes, you can't imagine what it's like to actually feel cool breath enter your mouth, pass your throat, into your chest and way down into your tummy, slowly....thoughtfully and controlled. It's Exhilarating !!
The yoga itself with it's stretch and relaxation is helping my body regain it's strength and flexibility, preparing it to become my 'TEMPLE' (I know, I've never been into all these 'abracadabra' words either, but they kind of emphasise my point here!)
Today I took a new step, I visited an acupuncturist.....not a single needle entered my body, but just by pressing a little here and there and asking to see my tongue (blech!!!). He gave me a glimpse of myself, the one I had desperately tried to hide from him !!!
And here's the clue....NO HIDING...not from myself, because if I do, I'll only kid myself and this trip will just end up being postponed till next time....
I'm not one for waiting as you all may know by now and so, I choose to take this trip NOW, and enjoy the ride wherever possible.
I apologise beforehand to those I may end up 'hurting' or 'losing' on this trip, it's not my intention to do so, but I've been told that there will be casualties and friendships may dissolve. The 'pleaser' in me is saying sorry now, as I may not feel sorry about it, once I find my true ME, you know... the confident one, that may no longer give a flying f@ck about your opinion, but will take your honest concern or advice into account, realising I will never be 'better' than you. That is not the point of this. The point is self reflection, self knowledge and self indulgence, to find the inner peace needed to be happy with just ME.
Apparently after that, all the rest is bonus happiness !!
Ok, fasten your seat belts, hold on tight......this crazy woman is on her way to the next level !!! :-)
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