Not quite sure how other people feel about death, but to me I think the fear of it is paralyzing at times, I freeze, gasp for breath and instantaneously feel my heart go into tachycardia. Lately I've been hearing horrid stories left and right, it seems everyone around me has something or other, or a friend with something or other and the chances of survival vary from huge to very slim.
Now according to statistics, the way to lead a healthy life, is plenty of exercise and nutritious food. This will decrease the risk of illnesses. I do not consider myself to lead the healthiest of lives...then again, most of the people I see affected seem to be the healthiest ones around; thin, athletic, healthy eaters, sporty etc. It leaves me with great fear, for; 'if they get ill, then I surely will ... (should)'...
No one knows when it's their day to 'depart', but somehow I feel more comfortable not thinking about it either. Head in the sand therapy. What you don't know won't harm you so to speak.
Today once again I received bad news, this time a young person with cancer, her chances...next to none. When you're young it tends to hit you harder, more aggressive and ruthlessly takes over leaving you without a fighting chance. Medicine will try it's hardest to beat it, but too often, in these cases, we find that it only extends the suffering. Still, those going through it seem to help those of us that will be left behind here, by showing their bravery and strength, each and everyone of them with a glow of supernatural light in their eyes. A spiritual strength that occurs only when the body is weakened. This phenomenon amazes me.
Often I have wondered what it would do to me, to find out I was (terminally) ill. The thought alone, creates panic and fear. Maybe I'm not sure if I would find that strength within me or maybe I'm afraid of the pain it may cause others, like my children. A combined feeling of 'what if I never see them grow up' and 'if I die now, they're too young to remember me'. A frightening thought either way.
I guess the trick is to find the fine line...where you look after your body as well as you can, and are sensible enough to go through regular check ups, without exaggeratedly worrying about them. And even when you do all this, there seems to be a 'script' already written, for sometimes, so very unforeseen to us, we find ourselves or someone else entering the turmoil of, for example cancer, without a single shield of protection or warning.
And then when push comes to shove, it turns out that however cliche, death is a part of life, and no one has yet managed to play hooky.
It's time for me to learn how to deal with this, if not for the sake of myself, for the sake of others, who I will help more by fearing less and mentally I will be able to handle it better if I don't let it affect me to the bone. Until it's my turn...and I pray that if and when that day comes, I too find that strength to pull me through, whatever the outcome.
So live today, like there is no tomorrow, and with that note, I'd like to end this blog of thought and dedicate it to all my friends and friends of friends, who today, tomorrow and in days to come will have to do just that. Be brave.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Solliciteren naar een baan-tje
Goed, na twaalf jaar 'kont-zitten' (ja-ja, in de werkende-volksmond is dat de term die best het moederschap lijkt te typeren...), wil ik mezelf weer eens op de arbeidsmarkt werpen. Wat een sensatie zeg, 20 jaar na dato tussen de rommel, die ik ECHT van plan was om op een regenachtige dag tussen de bedrijven door te sorteren, op zoek te gaan naar mijn behaalde diploma's. Geen flauw idee waar ik die in vredesnaam heb weggemoffeld. Heb ik ze nog wel, en wat voor waarde hebben ze nu eigenlijk nog ?! Ondertussen merk ik dat ik ongelooflijk veel van die (onzinnige) feiten eigenlijk amper nodig heb gehad, en dat ik ook weer heel veel nuttigs heb geleerd door gewoon 'vallen en opstaan', maar nu, nu gaat het er weer even om wat ik toen kon....waar ik toen zo hard voor geleerd heb, en wat mij uiteindelijk dat mooie fijne papiertje genaamd diploma heeft bezorgd. Zoeken dus...
Jemig, waar begint een mens na twaalf jaar in hemelsnaam te zoeken naar werk ?! Ondertussen weet je ook wel erg goed wat je wel en niet leuk vindt in dit leven, dus sommige dingen vallen automatisch ofwel systematisch af....Ook ben je geen pittige twintiger meer in een kort rokje met cellulite vrije benen, maar een degelijk gevormde veertiger (of bijna veertiger) die blij is als het knoopje van de jeansbroek 's morgens dicht gaat, en officieel niet meer de deur uit kan zonder een klein, (laten we niet overdrijven) laagje make up...!!
Daar ga je dan als dappere Do Do, tussen de jonge meute, vol enthousiasme, moed en motivatie want dat huist zeker in dit mature lijf !! Op weg naar de allereerste sollicitatie. Een vroege afsrpraak, heel modern per mail en telefoon geregeld om de functie van 'redactrice' te bemachtigen. Gekleed in gepast ornaat, parkeer ik mijn auto om de hoek, en loop ik lekker door de frisse ochtend lucht naar het kantoor waar ik moet zijn. Er is geen bel, dus ben ik zo vrij om gewoon binnen te stappen. Nu weet ik, dat ik al twaalf jaar lang, niet echt meer op 'kantoren' kom, maar dat ze nu nog zo'n ruimte versieren met twee treurige potplanten die er waarschijnlijk al even veel jaren staan te verpieteren, verbaasde mij enigszins. De rest was kaal, koud en oud. Goed begin dus.
Ik was vroeg, dus ik mocht nog even op een stoeltje wachten op een op z'n minst, vreemd uitziend, mannetje dat mij zou interviewen. Ik werd naar een klein kamertje geleid, waar ik de verf van het plafond zag bladeren, en heb mezelf toen keurig voorgesteld. Alle papieren werden erbij gepakt en vervolgens bleek dat het mannetje dacht dat ik er voor een ander baantje zat. Na een correctie van mijn kant konden we weer verder. Ik was benieuwd naar waar ik terecht was gekomen aangezien ik op internet niets over dit bedrijf had kunnen vinden, dus vroeg ik belangstellend naar hun activiteiten, naar mijn functie en vooral ook naar de daar bijbehorende verwachtingen.
Ik had me op zeer veel voorbereid, maar niet op zijn antwoord, het rare meneertje begon te tieren, en draaide meerdere keren ongemakkelijk met zijn 'kont' op zijn stoel...ik stond perplex. Was het nu echt zo 'uit de tijd' om te vragen wat mijn baantje zou inhouden ?! Het bleek uiteindelijk, na zijn vreemde uitbarsting, te gaan om een flora en fauna brochure, waar de nodige adverteerders voor gezocht moesten worden, omdat anders mijn salaris niet betaald zou kunnen worden. Ik wist het direct, wegwezen hier, maar eerst moest ik een uitweg vinden om het netjes af te handelen, want zo ben ik nu éénmaal. Die kans kreeg ik.
Zoals ik afgeknapt was op het interieur en het vreemde gedrag van deze man, was hij denk ik afgeknapt op mijn Nederlandse accent, dus besloot hij maar te melden dat ik hele websites moest kunnen opzetten en maken, naast nog een paar zeer dubieuze andere taken. Nu ben ik al jaren uit de roulatie, maar redactie werk is geen volledige website maken (bij mijn weten); wel een soort 'inrichten', layouts verzinnen, foto's en artikels goed weten te plaatsen, teksten schrijven en zorgen dat alles goed gecoördineerd wordt om vervolgens een prachtige (in dit geval niet dus...) folder te drukken . Ik greep mijn kans en zei heel 'blond' ...'oh,maar meneer, dat kan ik echt niet hoor, zo'n website maken....ik vrees dat ik dan niet de aangewezen persoon ben voor dit werk, het spijt me, en ik wens u veel succes met het vinden van iemand anders.' Mijn ogen vielen op het stapeltje papier dat hij onder mijn cv had liggen, en toen voegde ik nog aan mijn relaas toe, dat hij vast een geschikte kandidaat zou vinden in die dikke stapel sollicitaties. Hij keek me geërgerd aan, gaf me een hand en bitsig wenste hij me nog veel succes met het vinden van een baan. Ik zou mezelf niet zijn geweest als ik niet super vrolijk en positief zou hebben gezegd, 'dank u meneer, dat gaat mij zeker lukken' !!! ;-)
Opgelucht verliet ik dat muffe kantoor en terwijl ik naar mijn auto liep en weer frisse lucht kon inademen, bedacht ik mij dat het toch wel erg typisch was dat dit MIJ toch weer moest overkomen, mijn leven blijkt iedere dag weer een grote verrassing, en het kwartiertje schaterlachen dat zich nadien voordeed in de privacy van mijn eigen auto, moet de mensen die mij voorbij zagen rijden ook een vrolijke dag bezorgd hebben.
Jemig, waar begint een mens na twaalf jaar in hemelsnaam te zoeken naar werk ?! Ondertussen weet je ook wel erg goed wat je wel en niet leuk vindt in dit leven, dus sommige dingen vallen automatisch ofwel systematisch af....Ook ben je geen pittige twintiger meer in een kort rokje met cellulite vrije benen, maar een degelijk gevormde veertiger (of bijna veertiger) die blij is als het knoopje van de jeansbroek 's morgens dicht gaat, en officieel niet meer de deur uit kan zonder een klein, (laten we niet overdrijven) laagje make up...!!
Daar ga je dan als dappere Do Do, tussen de jonge meute, vol enthousiasme, moed en motivatie want dat huist zeker in dit mature lijf !! Op weg naar de allereerste sollicitatie. Een vroege afsrpraak, heel modern per mail en telefoon geregeld om de functie van 'redactrice' te bemachtigen. Gekleed in gepast ornaat, parkeer ik mijn auto om de hoek, en loop ik lekker door de frisse ochtend lucht naar het kantoor waar ik moet zijn. Er is geen bel, dus ben ik zo vrij om gewoon binnen te stappen. Nu weet ik, dat ik al twaalf jaar lang, niet echt meer op 'kantoren' kom, maar dat ze nu nog zo'n ruimte versieren met twee treurige potplanten die er waarschijnlijk al even veel jaren staan te verpieteren, verbaasde mij enigszins. De rest was kaal, koud en oud. Goed begin dus.
Ik was vroeg, dus ik mocht nog even op een stoeltje wachten op een op z'n minst, vreemd uitziend, mannetje dat mij zou interviewen. Ik werd naar een klein kamertje geleid, waar ik de verf van het plafond zag bladeren, en heb mezelf toen keurig voorgesteld. Alle papieren werden erbij gepakt en vervolgens bleek dat het mannetje dacht dat ik er voor een ander baantje zat. Na een correctie van mijn kant konden we weer verder. Ik was benieuwd naar waar ik terecht was gekomen aangezien ik op internet niets over dit bedrijf had kunnen vinden, dus vroeg ik belangstellend naar hun activiteiten, naar mijn functie en vooral ook naar de daar bijbehorende verwachtingen.
Ik had me op zeer veel voorbereid, maar niet op zijn antwoord, het rare meneertje begon te tieren, en draaide meerdere keren ongemakkelijk met zijn 'kont' op zijn stoel...ik stond perplex. Was het nu echt zo 'uit de tijd' om te vragen wat mijn baantje zou inhouden ?! Het bleek uiteindelijk, na zijn vreemde uitbarsting, te gaan om een flora en fauna brochure, waar de nodige adverteerders voor gezocht moesten worden, omdat anders mijn salaris niet betaald zou kunnen worden. Ik wist het direct, wegwezen hier, maar eerst moest ik een uitweg vinden om het netjes af te handelen, want zo ben ik nu éénmaal. Die kans kreeg ik.
Zoals ik afgeknapt was op het interieur en het vreemde gedrag van deze man, was hij denk ik afgeknapt op mijn Nederlandse accent, dus besloot hij maar te melden dat ik hele websites moest kunnen opzetten en maken, naast nog een paar zeer dubieuze andere taken. Nu ben ik al jaren uit de roulatie, maar redactie werk is geen volledige website maken (bij mijn weten); wel een soort 'inrichten', layouts verzinnen, foto's en artikels goed weten te plaatsen, teksten schrijven en zorgen dat alles goed gecoördineerd wordt om vervolgens een prachtige (in dit geval niet dus...) folder te drukken . Ik greep mijn kans en zei heel 'blond' ...'oh,maar meneer, dat kan ik echt niet hoor, zo'n website maken....ik vrees dat ik dan niet de aangewezen persoon ben voor dit werk, het spijt me, en ik wens u veel succes met het vinden van iemand anders.' Mijn ogen vielen op het stapeltje papier dat hij onder mijn cv had liggen, en toen voegde ik nog aan mijn relaas toe, dat hij vast een geschikte kandidaat zou vinden in die dikke stapel sollicitaties. Hij keek me geërgerd aan, gaf me een hand en bitsig wenste hij me nog veel succes met het vinden van een baan. Ik zou mezelf niet zijn geweest als ik niet super vrolijk en positief zou hebben gezegd, 'dank u meneer, dat gaat mij zeker lukken' !!! ;-)
Opgelucht verliet ik dat muffe kantoor en terwijl ik naar mijn auto liep en weer frisse lucht kon inademen, bedacht ik mij dat het toch wel erg typisch was dat dit MIJ toch weer moest overkomen, mijn leven blijkt iedere dag weer een grote verrassing, en het kwartiertje schaterlachen dat zich nadien voordeed in de privacy van mijn eigen auto, moet de mensen die mij voorbij zagen rijden ook een vrolijke dag bezorgd hebben.
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Post -flu- life
I've often noticed that when my kids are ill, and suffer from fevers, that a while after recovery they seem to have made some sort of incredible jump in life. Be it in actual growth, or intellectual ability. It's as if whatever illness they went through jump starts the body into the next level. And it's been like that every single time.
This time, I got the flu, it hit me unexpectedly and hard. There was no other option but to lie in bed and sleep, waiting patiently for it to make its hit and run. And that's exactly how it felt, as if I'd been hit and run over...!
I'm not a very patient patient to say the least, and I prefer taking a few painkillers and just getting on with life, but this time round my trick wasn't gonna do the trick.
I woke up feeling as if I'd been hit by a number of cars, and then bulldozed over just to really crunch those last left over intact bones. Too weak to get up, too weak to move, I could only think how strong willed my friend with breast cancer must be, to keep 'surviving' each chemo-hit, that leaves her probably in an even worse state than this 'innocent' flu left me. There and then I decided that I have great respect for her, and all others going through that hell, yet always finding the courage to continue.
So, kind of feeling like a man having the 'man-flu', weak, tired and sorry for myself. The only option was to just let it hit me and be done with it. Easier said than done, with 3 kids expecting their mom to beat anything.
I found out that children don't quite like having a mom, who's not supermom....and stays in bed all day, moaning and groaning, in pj's and with a volcanic hairstyle from all the tossing and turning. Great help though from my eldest who really did sympathise and took over like a real pro. I'd like to take credit for her great caring heart, but it's not me she gets it from. I'm a lot tougher when someone is sick, whilst she makes you feel cared for and pampered.
Exes can be 'handy' at these times, for they can entertain and take the kids with them, to give you some much needed rest and peace and quiet.
Even so, I don't remember much of the past few days, as I was in and out of sleep most of the time, only coming out of bed to help co-ordinate meals and lunchboxes. Strange, how you miss out on a few days yet life goes on as usual.
After spending 3 days in bed, I woke up and felt my body had returned, the aches and pains were gone and it felt like total bliss, I was back...weak, and pale, but back !!!
Like I said though, these things come in pairs.....and not only had I been ill, but a strange new life was there by the time I woke up to feeling better. A life that is filled with great changes, uncertainty, and new expectations. I'm a little weary of it, but know that as usual things will turn out the way they should, in the end.
The pre-flu-me, has turned into post-flu-me, and with that I take careful steps into unknown territory, praying that karma sticks with me and I keep seeing the bright side of life in all that is to come.
This time, I got the flu, it hit me unexpectedly and hard. There was no other option but to lie in bed and sleep, waiting patiently for it to make its hit and run. And that's exactly how it felt, as if I'd been hit and run over...!
I'm not a very patient patient to say the least, and I prefer taking a few painkillers and just getting on with life, but this time round my trick wasn't gonna do the trick.
I woke up feeling as if I'd been hit by a number of cars, and then bulldozed over just to really crunch those last left over intact bones. Too weak to get up, too weak to move, I could only think how strong willed my friend with breast cancer must be, to keep 'surviving' each chemo-hit, that leaves her probably in an even worse state than this 'innocent' flu left me. There and then I decided that I have great respect for her, and all others going through that hell, yet always finding the courage to continue.
So, kind of feeling like a man having the 'man-flu', weak, tired and sorry for myself. The only option was to just let it hit me and be done with it. Easier said than done, with 3 kids expecting their mom to beat anything.
I found out that children don't quite like having a mom, who's not supermom....and stays in bed all day, moaning and groaning, in pj's and with a volcanic hairstyle from all the tossing and turning. Great help though from my eldest who really did sympathise and took over like a real pro. I'd like to take credit for her great caring heart, but it's not me she gets it from. I'm a lot tougher when someone is sick, whilst she makes you feel cared for and pampered.
Exes can be 'handy' at these times, for they can entertain and take the kids with them, to give you some much needed rest and peace and quiet.
Even so, I don't remember much of the past few days, as I was in and out of sleep most of the time, only coming out of bed to help co-ordinate meals and lunchboxes. Strange, how you miss out on a few days yet life goes on as usual.
After spending 3 days in bed, I woke up and felt my body had returned, the aches and pains were gone and it felt like total bliss, I was back...weak, and pale, but back !!!
Like I said though, these things come in pairs.....and not only had I been ill, but a strange new life was there by the time I woke up to feeling better. A life that is filled with great changes, uncertainty, and new expectations. I'm a little weary of it, but know that as usual things will turn out the way they should, in the end.
The pre-flu-me, has turned into post-flu-me, and with that I take careful steps into unknown territory, praying that karma sticks with me and I keep seeing the bright side of life in all that is to come.
Monday, 7 February 2011
Midlife
Turned 38...to the tune of my daughters' first contrived song lyrics. What a delight !!! I don't think I've ever felt that emotionally struck, or is it because I'm growing older !? The sentiment of it all hit a chord in my heart and out flowed the tears of happiness and great pride. I must say my kids aren't perfect, because no one is or should be, but they have their heart in the right place and that's what counts !!
It's not even a week later and already I am showing signs of old age...my shoulder is excruciatingly painful and I'm probably suffering from some sort of infection or other, which makes it hard to do almost anything, from strapping on my bra in the mornings to finding a comfortable position to fall a sleep in at night. But as we all know life goes on and I'm pretty sure there are much worse things I could be suffering from. So, even though I'm in pain, I'm thankful it's a temporary thing.
Now that I'm nearing my fortieth birthday, slowly but surely, time seems to leap instead of steadily move along like it used to. Why is that ?! Why does it feel like I'm already halfway through life ?! I'm not quite sure I like it, I don't enjoy the idea that I may be entering the latter half of it all. That my youthful years may lie behind me, as if 'season one' of my life is finished and 'season two' is about to air, and as commonly known, season two never seems to outshine the first one.
So what awaits in the second half of life ?! Through the agitation of what may come, I also feel an utter calm. A feeling of peace, that seems to grow within me as the days, months and years keep ticking away. The satisfaction of having brought children into the world is a great one. Something I am proud of and still enjoy every single day being a stay at home mother.
Realising that even though we are no longer a family that lives under one roof together, we will always be connected by that essential word ..'family', even though in time we will all end up going our separate ways. There is nothing that can break the bond we have and 'coming home' will always mean the same. Because in essence we are 'fund-and-mentally' linked for life.
So, having fixed my shoulder with a shot of cortisone ( a medication I used to associate with 'old people' ..). I can once again fold laundry, clean, cook, make love and kick some ass !!
Determined to make the best 'part two', possible, I proceed through my midlife crisis and enjoy the craziness that comes with it, for there is no way, I will go back to being the boring young girl that I used to be.
In life, unlike in the movies, I think it may actually only get better !!!
It's not even a week later and already I am showing signs of old age...my shoulder is excruciatingly painful and I'm probably suffering from some sort of infection or other, which makes it hard to do almost anything, from strapping on my bra in the mornings to finding a comfortable position to fall a sleep in at night. But as we all know life goes on and I'm pretty sure there are much worse things I could be suffering from. So, even though I'm in pain, I'm thankful it's a temporary thing.
Now that I'm nearing my fortieth birthday, slowly but surely, time seems to leap instead of steadily move along like it used to. Why is that ?! Why does it feel like I'm already halfway through life ?! I'm not quite sure I like it, I don't enjoy the idea that I may be entering the latter half of it all. That my youthful years may lie behind me, as if 'season one' of my life is finished and 'season two' is about to air, and as commonly known, season two never seems to outshine the first one.
So what awaits in the second half of life ?! Through the agitation of what may come, I also feel an utter calm. A feeling of peace, that seems to grow within me as the days, months and years keep ticking away. The satisfaction of having brought children into the world is a great one. Something I am proud of and still enjoy every single day being a stay at home mother.
Realising that even though we are no longer a family that lives under one roof together, we will always be connected by that essential word ..'family', even though in time we will all end up going our separate ways. There is nothing that can break the bond we have and 'coming home' will always mean the same. Because in essence we are 'fund-and-mentally' linked for life.
So, having fixed my shoulder with a shot of cortisone ( a medication I used to associate with 'old people' ..). I can once again fold laundry, clean, cook, make love and kick some ass !!
Determined to make the best 'part two', possible, I proceed through my midlife crisis and enjoy the craziness that comes with it, for there is no way, I will go back to being the boring young girl that I used to be.
In life, unlike in the movies, I think it may actually only get better !!!
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Olivia's Blog !!
I apologise to my English readers, as I am proudly posting my daughter Olivia's first blog and it's in Dutch. To those of you who can read it, ENJOY !!! :-)
Hallo
ik ben Lara en dit is het verhaal over
liefde
het begon op een gewone schooldag.
Ik was aan het spelen met mijn vriendinnen.
toen gebeurde het. ik stond oog in oog
met Hendrick.
(Ik ben verliefd op Hendrick.
Hij is zo knap.
Ik weet nooit iets te zeggen als ik
hem tegenkom.Ik zeg meestal niks.
Want ik wil niet laten merken dat ik
op hem verliefd ben.En dan loop ik
gewoon weer verder)
Op dat moment wou ik sterk zijn.
Ik moet het ooit wel eens zeggen.
Maar het enige woord dat er uitkwam
was hhhh....hhh..hallo.
Ooh. Ik schaam me zo.
Niet voor mijn vriendinnen want die weten het al.
Nee.Voor de groep jongens die erbij stonden.
Ze waren me aan het uitlachen.
Ik haat die lui. Ze pesten iedereen hier
op school. Ik denk dat ik ze eens terug zal
pakken. Maar hoe?
Met deze letters waren ze me ook al aan het pesten.
hgahneiguheofigjhdbejhtlkehirthgosthu
dhfwhhhhyjtjudtumkutlticliu.
Dat heb ik alle andere keren gezegd.
Ja ik weet het raar.
Maar dat van vandaag was wel al wat
beter. Toch?
Ik moet alleen meer oefenen.
Nog iets. Hendrick zit in mijn klas.
Dat is nog niet het ergste.
Nee, zijn hele groepje ook.
Ik word er gek van.
En na school dan.
raad eens wat ze deden?
hhh...hhh..hallo.
Maar Hendrick deed niks.
Volgens mij heeft hij een oogje op me.
Ik droomde dat Hendrick me
verdedigde tegen die jongensgroep.
Ik hoop maar dat die droom uitkomt.
En raad eens het was waar.De jongensgroep wou me weer
pesten maar
Hendrick zij nee. Zou ik vragen waarom hij
dat deed? Ik weet het niet hoor.
Ik denk dat hij dat deed omdat hij me
gister zo verdrietig zag. Maar ik zal het toch eens vragen.
Voor de zekerheid.Toen ik die avond thuiskwam was ik
gek geworden. Ik was aan het gillen.
Niet omdat ik boos was. Nee.van blijdschap.
Ik vroeg hem namelijk of hij op mij was. En hij zij ja!!!
Ooh. Ik ben zo blij dat hij geen nee zei.
Want ja anders zou ik niet zo blij thuis zijn gekomen.Toch?
Ik kwam terug op school en Hendrick gaf me een kus
op de mond. Ik heb dat nog nooit meegemaakt.
Maar toen kwam de jongensgroep weer.
Ze hebben gezien dat Hendrick mij gekust heeft op de mond.
Maar ze stopten met pesten.
Het leek alsof ze accepteerden dat
Hendrick samen was met mij.
En zo ontstaat de vrede
tussen De jongensgroep en
Hendrick en mij
EINDE!!!
Olivia - 25-01-2011
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Monday, 24 January 2011
Friends
Why is it, that the older we get, the more demanding we become in the friendships we have.This sets us up, for disappointments that we may only have ourselves to blame for. At times expectations are high, and if we don't comply with what friends expect of us, we appear rude and uncaring. Other times we are the ones who feel back stabbed or disillusioned, by our friends' actions. In times of personal need we easily feel neglected when everybody is too busy with their own life, to care, and we also feel taken advantage of and hurt when the friendship appears mainly one sided. Sometimes we may even find ourselves competing for first place award in the fraternity league, stepping over everyone and anyone who may get in the way.
So what is it we want, and truly expect from our friends ?! Should we give as much as we get ?! Do friendships thrive on co-depency or is that exactly what kills them ?! What is the right balance ?!
In this world of constant turbulence and desire for more and better, we even put our friends through the 'are-you-good-enough-for-my-needs' test. We want them to be there for us unconditionally, yet we know that it is something we ourselves might not even be prepared to offer. We expect so much for so little in return. It doesn't seem fair or even logical. How can we want something we won't even value once ours. It baffles me that we are greedy enough to feel entitled to a luxury good we can't truly afford, that of true friendship, for only when we offer the same thing in return this becomes a fair trade.
I often wonder what example we may be setting for our younger generations, we've gone back to Darwinian times where it seems that 'survival of the fittest' is what counts. Hereby eradicating all other options. It is slowly becoming a very egocentric world, where only that which we ourselves most want, matters. This is where the 'trouble' starts if you ask me. By putting our needs before others constantly, we neglect what may be the more preferable option in specific situations. No consideration is taken for others and therefore we end up living in a 'theatrical play' that we nowadays most commonly call 'friendship'. But this type of friendship has nothing to do with real friendship, it is just a weak extract of the true commitment it ought to be.
Through thick and thin, is one of the key elements I believe, and like in other relationships love and empathy lie at the base, a kind of love that cares and protects. One that accepts the good with the bad, because we're all human and none of us is perfect.
When I was a little girl I learnt a rhyme at school :
Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver but the other gold.
It struck a chord that kept me in tune with what friendship entails.
I have to admit that it is not always easy and it's also not possible to befriend anyone and everyone. There are people with whom there just isn't a connection however hard we may try. Sometimes I catch myself not being a good enough friend, putting my needs before my friends' needs. Somehow though I think that is where we find the balance, in learning when it's time to give and when it's ok to receive. One thing that may characterize a good from a great friendship is the amount of effort we put into the giving and the thankfulness that goes into receiving.
For what it's worth, friendships are valuable and fragile and maybe we should all try a little harder to see the wonder of it all, a little more often. Stopping to think about how much that other person really means to you. Learning to appreciate one another in good times and bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, because many, many friendships outlast any other kind of commitment !!!
So what is it we want, and truly expect from our friends ?! Should we give as much as we get ?! Do friendships thrive on co-depency or is that exactly what kills them ?! What is the right balance ?!
In this world of constant turbulence and desire for more and better, we even put our friends through the 'are-you-good-enough-for-my-needs' test. We want them to be there for us unconditionally, yet we know that it is something we ourselves might not even be prepared to offer. We expect so much for so little in return. It doesn't seem fair or even logical. How can we want something we won't even value once ours. It baffles me that we are greedy enough to feel entitled to a luxury good we can't truly afford, that of true friendship, for only when we offer the same thing in return this becomes a fair trade.
I often wonder what example we may be setting for our younger generations, we've gone back to Darwinian times where it seems that 'survival of the fittest' is what counts. Hereby eradicating all other options. It is slowly becoming a very egocentric world, where only that which we ourselves most want, matters. This is where the 'trouble' starts if you ask me. By putting our needs before others constantly, we neglect what may be the more preferable option in specific situations. No consideration is taken for others and therefore we end up living in a 'theatrical play' that we nowadays most commonly call 'friendship'. But this type of friendship has nothing to do with real friendship, it is just a weak extract of the true commitment it ought to be.
Through thick and thin, is one of the key elements I believe, and like in other relationships love and empathy lie at the base, a kind of love that cares and protects. One that accepts the good with the bad, because we're all human and none of us is perfect.
When I was a little girl I learnt a rhyme at school :
Make new friends, but keep the old,
One is silver but the other gold.
It struck a chord that kept me in tune with what friendship entails.
I have to admit that it is not always easy and it's also not possible to befriend anyone and everyone. There are people with whom there just isn't a connection however hard we may try. Sometimes I catch myself not being a good enough friend, putting my needs before my friends' needs. Somehow though I think that is where we find the balance, in learning when it's time to give and when it's ok to receive. One thing that may characterize a good from a great friendship is the amount of effort we put into the giving and the thankfulness that goes into receiving.
For what it's worth, friendships are valuable and fragile and maybe we should all try a little harder to see the wonder of it all, a little more often. Stopping to think about how much that other person really means to you. Learning to appreciate one another in good times and bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, because many, many friendships outlast any other kind of commitment !!!
Monday, 17 January 2011
Weighing in
New year and even though the skies are cloudy and grey mostly, the spirit is up. Some things just gotta go different this year ! Old patterns die hard and new ones aren't easy to stick to, but this year it's not a matter of choice. It has to be done, and it has to be done good.
Lately I think I felt a bit like a pot plant, left to wither and not flourish, figured that anything would help me grow and stay healthy, but without adding the right ingredients it turned out to be a foolish thought indeed. So, as the ground at my roots dried out and formed cracks I was surviving on the last little bits of energy left within me. I felt flaccid, just like the poor pot plant.
It's time to quench the thirst, and fertilize. And so, I have started drinking water again, lots of it, something that I just seemed to forget to do, during the day. As you may know, when you pour water onto dried out soil, it doesn't really sink in, it just makes the soil float...and so I drift...a little lost for now but knowing that one of these days the water will slowly drench the soil and therefore me too. Slowly but surely it will seep through my pores. As I'm hoping other stuff will sink in too...given time.
So, not only 'watering' is taking place but proper feeding as well, in the hope that I will re energize a bit, for I have felt pretty drained these last few months physically and mentally.
Day 4...the water seems to have irrigated my body, it's making my skin feel creamier and more supple even wrinkles are looking softer. I think I like this !! Not there yet of course but for day four, it's looking pretty promising.
I know we shouldn't diet to try to look like page 3 models, and so that is not my motivation. Mine is looking and feeling healthy again, by thinking about what I eat, instead of just stuffing myself with bars of chocolate, handful's of crisps and practically anything that appears in front of me. At one point even the air I was breathing made me gain weight, that's when I realized I was g(r)asping for the wrong things in life. I guess I'm trying to become more conscious of what goes in now. I don't want to bore you with the details, but believe me, it's a good thing in my case.
January is my most crucial month as all us girls have our birthday to celebrate and therefore lots of cake and party to deal with !! I've survived one, 2 left to go !!
Today was my first 'weigh in' and eventhough I've secretly weighed myself' 'in between' and know the weight has fluctuated, it is now back to what I started with, but I refuse to feel disappointed. I'm sure it's just a case of my body getting used to this new treatment. Feeling more saturated, I think it's just a matter of time before the actual weightloss will kick in.
To be honest I too look forward to any phsychological changes it may bring about, curious to find out if the Latin saying... " Mens sana in corpore sano" turns out to be true, for my head has been weighed down long enough by constant doubts and thoughts.
Wishing myself lots of perseverance and great fun searching for yummy recipes with healthy alternatives at the start of this new year !!
Lately I think I felt a bit like a pot plant, left to wither and not flourish, figured that anything would help me grow and stay healthy, but without adding the right ingredients it turned out to be a foolish thought indeed. So, as the ground at my roots dried out and formed cracks I was surviving on the last little bits of energy left within me. I felt flaccid, just like the poor pot plant.
It's time to quench the thirst, and fertilize. And so, I have started drinking water again, lots of it, something that I just seemed to forget to do, during the day. As you may know, when you pour water onto dried out soil, it doesn't really sink in, it just makes the soil float...and so I drift...a little lost for now but knowing that one of these days the water will slowly drench the soil and therefore me too. Slowly but surely it will seep through my pores. As I'm hoping other stuff will sink in too...given time.
So, not only 'watering' is taking place but proper feeding as well, in the hope that I will re energize a bit, for I have felt pretty drained these last few months physically and mentally.
Day 4...the water seems to have irrigated my body, it's making my skin feel creamier and more supple even wrinkles are looking softer. I think I like this !! Not there yet of course but for day four, it's looking pretty promising.
I know we shouldn't diet to try to look like page 3 models, and so that is not my motivation. Mine is looking and feeling healthy again, by thinking about what I eat, instead of just stuffing myself with bars of chocolate, handful's of crisps and practically anything that appears in front of me. At one point even the air I was breathing made me gain weight, that's when I realized I was g(r)asping for the wrong things in life. I guess I'm trying to become more conscious of what goes in now. I don't want to bore you with the details, but believe me, it's a good thing in my case.
January is my most crucial month as all us girls have our birthday to celebrate and therefore lots of cake and party to deal with !! I've survived one, 2 left to go !!
Today was my first 'weigh in' and eventhough I've secretly weighed myself' 'in between' and know the weight has fluctuated, it is now back to what I started with, but I refuse to feel disappointed. I'm sure it's just a case of my body getting used to this new treatment. Feeling more saturated, I think it's just a matter of time before the actual weightloss will kick in.
To be honest I too look forward to any phsychological changes it may bring about, curious to find out if the Latin saying... " Mens sana in corpore sano" turns out to be true, for my head has been weighed down long enough by constant doubts and thoughts.
Wishing myself lots of perseverance and great fun searching for yummy recipes with healthy alternatives at the start of this new year !!
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