'Normal' or not, that is the question.

When I was little, I used to think that certain things were going to be a very normal part of my life. Like my parents I was going to get married, have children, and live that absolutely 'normal' life, because that is how it was done. Yes, I say, 'was' done because, normal is no longer normal.....it's changed profoundly. Left and right families fall apart, split up, leave, and decide on a better and brighter future....alone or with more suitable partners. This time I really don't want to go into the logistics of things or the pain it causes everyone involved, but I would like to point out that what we used to see as normal, is truly no longer the same norm.

Many if not most of the parents at the schools my children go to, have separated or divorced recently. At one stage it felt like a 'divorce tsunami' had hit this town. Leaving it's victims scattered all over the place, some even in friends' houses, where they found shelter with other people's spouses....
I walk around and realise that I no longer know, who is going out with whom, for it changes so fast at times that I can no longer keep up.

So I wonder, is it still all about ' 'love and marriage' ? Or has this become about loving ourselves only and chasing what would be ideal for us as an individual. What do we want out of life nowadays ? Have our values changed so much ? And if so, where does that leave those of us, who are still working hard at making the relationship we once committed to, work ?

I wonder...

What I once thought to be the norm, has now become the exception, and with that I have no idea what to teach my children. Should I prepare them for the heartache that may lay ahead or shall I keep their hopes up by holding on to something that is no longer what it used to be. I think that in the end, I'm going to hope and pray that youth learns from our 'mistakes' and work their @ss off so as not to make the same ones once again. Who knows but that may just do the trick and help the constitution of marriage regain it's foundation. For right now, it's being shaken to distruction and extinction rapidly. Then again, does anyone still really care ?!...Maybe THAT is the question....

Life of (Bullshit) Riches

We vragen ons vast regelmatig af wat er met 'die mensen' is gebeurd waarvan wij allen het angstvallige vermoeden koesterden dat ze ooit nog de sidekick zouden kunnen worden van hun eigen relaas. Zij die bekendheid ambieerden, zij die het wilden maken...in hun eigen 'helemaal in je eentje show', toch?!


Neem nu deze multi-talent bijvoorbeeld; met sportieve, commerciële en communicatieve gaven. Iemand die ooit eens op het lijstje van BN'ers een plekje wist te veroveren, zomaar even, tussen de groten 'der Buis'. Niet alleen geroemd om zijn wonderlijk dikke, donkere, haardos, maar om allerlei...televisie  'Dinges'. Om een plekje op dat lijstje te bemachtigen moest je wel erg hard knokken, duwen en hier en daar over een lijk kunnen gaan want het was geen ontspannen 'Holidayshow' bedoeling hoor !! Je moest van goede huize komen je (grote) tanden erin kunnen zetten, een vleugje charme hebben, een vlotte babbel en ook van  'alle drempels weg' zijn, om zo maar een paar dingen op te noemen. Van je wil moest je wet maken en vervolgens alles in je eigen richting sturen. Kanaliseren dus.

In principe zou alles je dan voor de wind moeten zijn gegaan. Volop aandacht, adoratie en veel fans.... Maar niets bleek minder waar bij dit 'ik-lijk-geen-dag-ouder', 'ietwat-vierkant-uitziend', televisie mannetje want hij viel letterlijk en figuurlijk uit de smaak, en verliet de showbizz wereld na een zwaar op de maag liggend akkefietje, zoals ze dat in die kringen noemen. Nederland bleek te klein, voor deze Napoleon en als een echte pro wist hij België te veroveren. Dit keer niet via de media, maar zoals echte liefde gaat; door de maag. Hij opende de ene horeca onderneming na de andere in het land van deze zachtaardige en gemoedelijke mensen, niets vermoedend vielen zij ten prooi aan zijn slijmerige porties onzin en hittepetit snobistisch temperament. Onder het genot van vertroebelende rosé bubbels werd vanaf dat moment ook het verhaal glazig wazig, want ook daar in het milde zuiden, wist hij het bloed van menigeen te doen koken.

De kleinere zaakjes werden als zoete broodjes verkocht en deze, intussen, 'ervaren' horeca magnaat (zoals hij pas geleden nog geprofileerd werd in een flashback op de Nederlandse Televisie) waagde zich aan een buurt bistro; knus, geliefd en gekend tot in verre omstreken ..... Het moest en zou groots aangepakt worden, een tentje moest veranderen in een gebouwtje, terrasje werd lounge bar en 'decadent' werd het nieuwe 'chique'. Tot het buurtje een zeer mondige omgeving bleek, en ook nog eens vol 'ex-pats', met een ouderwets 'no-bullshit' beleid, en een eigen mening over de 'Frankie-goes-to-Hollywood', aspiraties van deze megalomaan, want laten we eerlijk zijn, Eddy Wally door de tuin horen galmen was echt geen kaskraker!! Een tot vervelens toe, herhaaldelijk, avond vullend programma van gedreun en 'kattengejank' vervuilde opeens de rustige woonwijk lucht. Het dorp beklaagde zich massaal bij de prinsemarij, maar zij bleken machteloos, want als een ware dictator, over het land 'der Loteling' regeert en bepaalt deze coryfee daar alle regels en wetten.

Maar niet alle sprookjes zijn voorbestemd voor een 'happily-ever-after', en zo naderen we vermoedelijk het einde van wat ooit een gigantisch imperium had moeten worden, het einde van een 'bullshit' era, want volgens de laatste geruchten uit een ietwat minder gelikt millieu blijkt dat er binnenkort waarschijnlijk niets meer over zal zijn van dit fabeltje dan een doorprikbaar luchtkasteel van vergane glorie, loze beloftes en kaal geplukte ribbetjes....Aanvalluh !!

Super Solitary Summer

It's about time for a new blog topic....a fresh wave of thoughts, streaming towards you online. It would seem that with all that has been going on in my life, I'd have plenty to post. But NOoooo....

Summer, to me is a time of reflection, cocooning and isolation, and I must admit that the grey and rainy days help me achieve this latent state of mind.... I tend to enjoy two months of complete extraction from my otherwise vivid social life. I know, it sounds utterly absurd, as summer is supposed to be a happy and outgoing season, but please don't think I'm unhappy, far from it !!! I'm just a little housebound and solitary....and I love it. I guess it helps me reload my batteries for the rest of the year.

So whilst this whole town is off to enjoy far away destinations and luxurious holidays in Italy, Bali and the USA...(which by the way leaves plenty of room for those of us, 'left behind' to leisurely park our cars). I like to use this time to actually enjoy LIVING IN my house again. The rest of the year is such a rush of obligatory trips to school, sports, supermarket, and social events, that we hardly seem to have any 'at-home-time' at all.
So we dig into our mess, throw away whatever is old and broken, and end up being perfectly happy with the bits and pieces of comfort-junk that are left.

It takes the kids a few weeks of boredom and TV to let go of modern life as we know it until they finally indulge into the nostalgia of Lego and boardgames. What amazes me most is that they learn to appreciate each other again as brother and sisters become friends. Something that during the school year is somehow prevented by age and their own set of friends.Thus the more we become a family unit again, the less important the outside world becomes.....hence the cocooning.

It's always a shame to see that fall apart after 2 glorious months of bonding, but I also know that this next year will give us plenty of stress and mess to enable us to have ourselves another fantastic summer next year !! So for now we still have another month or so to go and we're well on our way to becoming social outcasts....what a wonderful life indeed.

Life begins at 40...or so they say

Lately I've been struck by the amount of changes everyone around me is going through. It seems we near or hit the mark of 40 and life just smacks us in the face with separation, divorce, disease, death and unemployment crisis's. No one seems to elude them all and some get ruthlessly belted by multiple atrocities.

I can't help but wonder if it's some sort of shock therapy designed by a supernatural life force that likes to shake things up a little every once in a while.... We reach a point of self reflection, where we wonder whether we turned out to be the person we wanted to become, and of course some of us will suddenly realise that we are nowhere near that perfect image we had projected for ourselves. We may be discontented, angry, sad or disappointed in what we see when we stare into the mirror of self reflection.

That is when we decide that changes must be made, everything that is slightly 'off ' gets tossed aside to make way for new and exciting plans and people. We turn into 'desperately seeking...anythings' on our quest to re(de)fine ourselves.....

I feel a little anxious..some days, dreaming of an escape to Italy whilst I'm still young enough for it to have the impact it should have on me....because let's face it, if I go to Rome when I'm in my 50's I can forget about having ANY sex appeal whatsoever....the time is now !! Or how about immigrating to Australia...'down under'...far away from the hustle and bustle of the western world, driven by money, power and good looks...I imagine finding a comfortable shelter/home on the beach side, and enjoying the sunshine, sea breeze and laid back way of life.

It feels like I may already be at least halfway through life and there is still so much that I want to do, but the point of realising that some of that may probably never happen is sadly nearing...

So, no running off to play La Cicciolina in Italy or Dundee'ing abroad with backpacks and wrinkles, no dancing in clubs where I could actually break a leg and it wouldn't bring me luck....

The restlessness, I'm sure, will subside in time and by then I secretly know I will be happy with all that remains within reach and hasn't carelessly been tossed away in a whim of midlife crisis versus stuck in a rut.

Home is where the Heart is

I'd like to share with you what it's like to feel the warmth of someone else's heart in mine, that, even though, I truly thought it wasn't possible, it is !!! That a special someone found the key to what was locked and stowed away so safely. A waterfall of love and hope seems to be streaming out, and making everything around me seem more beautiful than it already was. It's as if, the colours have come to life, making it all even more precious and unique. A sense of gratefulness has landed upon my shoulders, I stand in wonder of how it happened yet realize the time it took to unlock and free me from all doubt and reservations. It took a patient man to find the will and strength to do so, and even though right now he seems exhausted by the challenge he threw himself upon, I can only hope that he will never find regret in his actions and much love in the unveiled chambers of my heart, where only he has acquired a right of access.

Finding out that the the things you love the most are those that you least expect, pleasures hide in the littlest things, joy resides in the twinkle of the eyes, when glances meet, as if having known each other for years, they soothe the mind and rest it's thoughts, whilst deep inside you feel a sense of calmness and devotion alternated by jolts of passion. I think I could truly love to love again. Bearing in mind that you only achieve this level when you meet the right person, when the connection of the souls is a solid one, that's when sparks will fly !

All the things that had to carefully be taken into consideration, fall neatly into place. The unforeseen becomes foreseen and suddenly everything is crystal clear. The will to face the challenges that we may stumble upon, is huge and grows with every moment shared. I so look forward to what my life may bring with him, in it, so much so, that I refuse to waste a single minute.

I want to throw myself into this with everything I've got, take the plunge without fear and swim towards a happy ending, in this stream of new beginnings !!! Ready, set....and praying for 'GO' !!!

You give me Something...

Love Actually

Love hit me completely unexpected.

Tried it's best to convince me of it's authenticity and purity.

I kept doubting it, doubting myself.

Until one day, I felt it, like a warm and comfortable blanket it had grabbed a hold of me.

And as I stumbled out the words, love flew away....just like that.

Reality had crept in and strangled it's enthusiasm, leaving behind only but a sense of tragic loss....

All my desperate attempts to revive and rekindle it seem useless and in vain.

My heart aches more than words can say, and still I wonder must I really walk away.

Why aren't my feet moving ? Why is there still a wish of hope ?

Why complicate a future with all that was in the past.....

I can only pray that what is sometimes lost, is sometimes found again.


What a bliss it is to feel, that warm and fuzzy feeling called:  LOVE.

Any day, and everyday, I will welcome it back, yet always with that fear that it may just like that, again, disappear....