Lately I've been struck by the amount of changes everyone around me is going through. It seems we near or hit the mark of 40 and life just smacks us in the face with separation, divorce, disease, death and unemployment crisis's. No one seems to elude them all and some get ruthlessly belted by multiple atrocities.
I can't help but wonder if it's some sort of shock therapy designed by a supernatural life force that likes to shake things up a little every once in a while.... We reach a point of self reflection, where we wonder whether we turned out to be the person we wanted to become, and of course some of us will suddenly realise that we are nowhere near that perfect image we had projected for ourselves. We may be discontented, angry, sad or disappointed in what we see when we stare into the mirror of self reflection.
That is when we decide that changes must be made, everything that is slightly 'off ' gets tossed aside to make way for new and exciting plans and people. We turn into 'desperately seeking...anythings' on our quest to re(de)fine ourselves.....
I feel a little anxious..some days, dreaming of an escape to Italy whilst I'm still young enough for it to have the impact it should have on me....because let's face it, if I go to Rome when I'm in my 50's I can forget about having ANY sex appeal whatsoever....the time is now !! Or how about immigrating to Australia...'down under'...far away from the hustle and bustle of the western world, driven by money, power and good looks...I imagine finding a comfortable shelter/home on the beach side, and enjoying the sunshine, sea breeze and laid back way of life.
It feels like I may already be at least halfway through life and there is still so much that I want to do, but the point of realising that some of that may probably never happen is sadly nearing...
So, no running off to play La Cicciolina in Italy or Dundee'ing abroad with backpacks and wrinkles, no dancing in clubs where I could actually break a leg and it wouldn't bring me luck....
The restlessness, I'm sure, will subside in time and by then I secretly know I will be happy with all that remains within reach and hasn't carelessly been tossed away in a whim of midlife crisis versus stuck in a rut.
