For some reason, all around me couples are splitting up and deciding life is better on their own or with someone new. Relationships seem to have become as disposable as 'chicklets'. Very tasty and good to start off with, yet after a while they become stale and bland.
It makes me wonder if that's how it's supposed to be. After all, why bother recycling, if we can get something new or different. Something that helps us feel as happy as a small kid with a new toy ! Something that feels everlasting again, exciting and fun, like any new challenge does. Put that against your ragged old doll, and the choice seems crystal clear for some.
The pain caused by these decisions is, afterall, only momentary, and sometimes slightly one-side. Often we're left scarred for life, in some way or other, yet we adapt, accept and keep going, because there simply is no other road to take.
It's a strange feeling to be further along the road than some, yet behind on others. It's even stranger that this has become such a frequented road in our modern day society. Seeing that people around me are having to go through the agony of separation and the despair of a broken heart and family, is frustrating to say the least. For many of us it's so recognizable, and even though it is a well known fact that the 'survival' rate is high, the healing process takes time, so much time.
Is the grass truly greener on the other side ?!
Or does that field also need to be regularly looked after,weeded, treated and appreciated ? I'm afraid the answer to this is a simple one, even so as human beings we can be so oblivious to the obvious.
I have desperately tried to explain the intricate consequences of these seemingly simple choices to those making them, but somewhere a point is reached when it's impossible for them to 'see' things with their 'old' eyes and 'former' beliefs.
The newness blurs what is rather not seen.
To those of you out there going through hurtful break ups, and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Please know that one day, you will breathe again, the sun will shine again, and life starts blooming in your barren heart.
I know that it may be a meagre consolation when life and love seem wasted. But like after a great fire, or volcanic eruption when earth and soil become so much more fertile and prosperous, so do we after this 'natural' disaster!!
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Saturday 27 March 2010
Love Marinade
Cooking is one of the things I truly love doing, but since I am a very impatient and temperamental person, the recipes need to be quick and easy.
A few girlfriends and I were discussing our passion for preparing food and I noticed that they like to spend hours, if not an entire day, preparing, cutting and marinading their meals. I guess, like with everything in life, I just want it now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now. I don't seem to have the patience to let things simmer or slowly come to the boil.
I've often wondered if this is one of my strong points or a huge flaw. My enthousiasm takes me on the wildest rides, and even though I hate rollercoasters, I love these twists and turns, that take me to life's unknown destinations.
A while back, I met someone online, with whom I felt a real connection, but he seemed hesitant to meet me in 'real' life, he told me that he knew himself well enough and couldn't promise me much more than a few dates. I guess he too had a problem with long and complicated recipes. He was kind enough to call and tell me he didn't want to cross the point of no return and felt we would be doing so by acquainting. Of course this triggered the utmost curiosity in me and I couldn't stand him not wanting to even risk one date with me. So..I plucked up the courage and gave him a challenge. Guys are suckers for a good challenge ! ;-)
I was on my way to Denmark for a short visit, and right before I stepped onto the airplane, I sent him a message telling him it was a shame he didn't have the courage to meet me and that I believed in 'No Guts, No Glory' in life....
I flew to Denmark and on my return we had set a date. :-)
As expected we hit it off like a house on fire and I had my first real crush on someone again !! It seemed a fairytale at first, all the important ingredients were there to make it a succesful recipe, but I left no time to marinade and simmer..... and so it was doomed.
Completely convinced that I had learnt my lesson I started dating again, only to keep making exactly the same mistake, leaving little to no time for things to set and rise. After countless attempts at this, my own motto seemed to have become 'inglorious' !!
I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of it, as I'm not good with following instructions to the rule and maybe love and relationships are like pastry baking....you need to weigh and measure everything very carefully or else it's a recipe for disaster.
So, for a change, I think next time, if I'm blessed with one, I will practice long and careful love marination..... !!! ;-)
A few girlfriends and I were discussing our passion for preparing food and I noticed that they like to spend hours, if not an entire day, preparing, cutting and marinading their meals. I guess, like with everything in life, I just want it now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now. I don't seem to have the patience to let things simmer or slowly come to the boil.
I've often wondered if this is one of my strong points or a huge flaw. My enthousiasm takes me on the wildest rides, and even though I hate rollercoasters, I love these twists and turns, that take me to life's unknown destinations.
A while back, I met someone online, with whom I felt a real connection, but he seemed hesitant to meet me in 'real' life, he told me that he knew himself well enough and couldn't promise me much more than a few dates. I guess he too had a problem with long and complicated recipes. He was kind enough to call and tell me he didn't want to cross the point of no return and felt we would be doing so by acquainting. Of course this triggered the utmost curiosity in me and I couldn't stand him not wanting to even risk one date with me. So..I plucked up the courage and gave him a challenge. Guys are suckers for a good challenge ! ;-)
I was on my way to Denmark for a short visit, and right before I stepped onto the airplane, I sent him a message telling him it was a shame he didn't have the courage to meet me and that I believed in 'No Guts, No Glory' in life....
I flew to Denmark and on my return we had set a date. :-)
As expected we hit it off like a house on fire and I had my first real crush on someone again !! It seemed a fairytale at first, all the important ingredients were there to make it a succesful recipe, but I left no time to marinade and simmer..... and so it was doomed.
Completely convinced that I had learnt my lesson I started dating again, only to keep making exactly the same mistake, leaving little to no time for things to set and rise. After countless attempts at this, my own motto seemed to have become 'inglorious' !!
I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of it, as I'm not good with following instructions to the rule and maybe love and relationships are like pastry baking....you need to weigh and measure everything very carefully or else it's a recipe for disaster.
So, for a change, I think next time, if I'm blessed with one, I will practice long and careful love marination..... !!! ;-)
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Boondoggle
Enough on the men topic for a while....I need to catch my breath and re-focus ! ;-)
Educating kids is not something that comes as easy as actually making them... It's a blessing, and priviledge but it is also a tremendous challenge, as kids have a way of extracting your very worst traits, at times.
My day usually starts off pretty quiet...the alarm goes off a couple of times, giving me plenty of time to adjust to daylight. I wake my kids and whilst I'm taking a relaxing shower, they get dressed. (For those of you with small kids...yes this is possible at a certain point, as long as you train them well ! ;-))
Once dressed and ready they go downstairs for breakfast (or so, they're supposed to). I check their rooms turn off lights where necessary (and after years of training and continuous reminders it is still necessary, yes), and then join them at the breakfast table. On the best of days, we have a reasonably calm breakfast but on some days.....it's like being an officer in the army trying to deal with all sorts of frontline crises. Screaming, hitting, fighting, and looks that can kill, seem to be the war weapons of choice. However patient I hope to remain... I don't. Soon enough my shouting exceeds theirs and for a little while it will deceivingly seem as if we have made peace (this is like the eye of the storm, just a momentary state of quiet).
I start my drill at around eight in the morning..."brush your teath, comb your hair, put your shoes on, get your lunchboxes, wear your sweaters, hurry up, grab your bags, ....all your bags, please hurry up, move, move, move...we're going to be late" (which we never are, as I've learnt to start all the commanding around early enough) !! I'm sure many of you recognize the drill. (Especially mothers as dads somehow seems oblivious to all of this commotion.)
In the car, the seat battle continues....I have banned them from the front seat only to realise that all I did was move the problem to the back seat. Once again fighting over who sits where and why. Usually by this time I truly explode and then we sit in silence until we nearly reach school, where I start telling the kids that this is the last time I want to have this kind of argument with them in the early morning. They sulk yet promise to behave. We all say our happy goodbyes.
At 3 thirty I park my car at the school in happy expectation of seeing my kids again. Whilst I chit-chat with my friends, I wait for the kids to walk out of school. As they are approach me, they each start their own story
The homework battle is one that I do not seem to be able to win. Stuff is left behind in school, homework notebooks are forgotten, reading books suddenly disappear and of course the terrible grade on the exam paper wasn't their fault, as they only got asked questions on topics they had never even discussed in school !! ;-)
In the middle of this mayhem I usually try to make and serve a reasonably healthy and well balanced dinner. Now I have to say that my kids are pretty much omnivores, but I know of motthers who cook 4 different meals to cater to each and everyone's taste.
After dinner the dessert discussion begins, now I am separated and as some of you may know this is when kids use all their guilt trip power on you, telling me that dessert at their dad's house is a bowl of crisps !!! I'm very susceptible to feeling guilty but this is taking it a bridge too far !!! So, new rule is yoghurt or fruit for dessert and no room for negotiation.
Shower time...now this is when true signs of the battle field become visible..the top floor seems to have been hit by a series of towel and clothing bombs, leaving debris scattered around. No one is responsible of course as the opponent is always to blame ! Leaving me, the red-cross-type-Florence Nightingale to deal with the aftermath of this disaster.
This is all followed by another blast of drill-seargent-mom instructions..."put your pj's on, brush your teeth, comb your hair, get into bed, take your medicine, quiet please....it's time to sleep...no, no more water now, go to sleep !!"
And by 8pm this reccuring familiar battle ends....and I am left in a bombshell, with the knowledge that like in the movie 'Groundhog Day' tomorrow will bring exactly the same warfares, and so I prepare for the next boondoggle.*
*any military operation that hasn't been completely thought out. An operation that is absurd or useless.
24hrs in 2 minutes
Monday 22 March 2010
Mr. Hunky Dory Contest !
ATTENTION TO ALL MEN !!
It seems that we may be hosting a Mr. Hunky Dory contest soon ! I suggest that all men who feel they comply with the requirements of the competition, enrol asap !
Requirements :
- Preferably Dutch and if you're not, then make sure you have enough looks to make up for it !
- Aged between 30 and 40, an exception can be made if you comply with 90% of the other requirements.
- No kids, but if you have them, then you too need to make up for it with your looks !
- Blond, but with brains
- Blue/green/grey eyes....just not brown !
- Tall-ish
- Good build, that means not too skinny and no beer belly !
- No guts, no glory attitude
- Sexy yet not aware of it, if possible.
- You have a job, a proper one !
- Sense of humor, but if you've read this far, then I guess, you qualifiy for that.
All candidates will be considered and tediously questioned before being officially entered into the Mr. Hunky Dory contest. If you wish to apply leave your name and a number where we can reach you either in the comment box below, or on our fan page on facebook. We will get in touch with you asap.
The prize is an all expenses paid date with a gorgeous, funny, sweet and sexy mother of 3; with no signs of desperate behaviour AT ALL.
PS. You agree that if you are not selected for this contest, you will automatically be entered in the Mr.Hopeless Loser competition. The prize hereof will most likely be the same as mentioned above, but by then she may exhibit desperate behaviour.
Thank You for your interest
The Living la Vida Loca Social Club
Sunday 21 March 2010
Writers Block/Blog !
Yikes, I haven't been at this for very long yet, but I think I've reached my first writers block moment ! I can't entirely blame myself though...it's the people around me that have caused it. (Ha, isn't it fun to blame others in cases like these ?! ;-))
I hosted a Mexican dinner party the other night...chili con carne, corona beers with lime, tortillas, guacamole, the works...and the first thing I noticed was that no one dared to share a thought, or speak their mind much, afraid that it might be 'printed and published' online by yours truly ! I'm presuming of course...although my sixth sense never lets me down.
Thing is...if you guys start shutting down, well, then there won't be any vida loca stories left to write or tell ! You see, you're my living fun factory !
Thank goodness for alcohol in these cases.....just pour enough into a person and the mouth starts moving and producing sounds again.
Speaking of alcohol-driven-speech....I have a friend who, when sober, is difficult to understand, but when he's had a few drinks...he completely loses me in translation. I didn't have the heart to tell him at first, but after a few encounters at our local bar and me just trying to nod at the right times, laugh when I presumed appropriate and appearing shocked or surprised when it seemed necessary, even though for the past 4 hours I had not understood a word of what he'd said to me.... I decided it would be kinder to just tell him, so in all honesty I have done so. I am happy to report that we are still friends, and I am now becoming a master at deciphering his 'native' tongue.
Mexican night turned into an evening of so much laughter, that I am wondering whether I should tape my face at night, to get rid of all the laugh-wrinkels I seem to be getting by the day. Botox can only do so much and I seem to be laughing so often that my face is starting to show serious signs of a happy life !
For those of you who have only met me in the past few years, you should know that I used to be a very different person. I think I was just fun-factored-out-of-life. Everything and anything seemed difficult, annoying and very tiring. And I used to blame others for my own misery. Afterall, it couldn't jolly well be ME that was making my own life so miserable, could it?!
Thank goodness forshitty tough times in life, because if it weren't for those, I don't think I would have ever woken up to smell the coffee !! (And yes, coffee does smell sooooo good at times !!)
From then on it was easy...my motto was to enjoy life to the fullest. We're only here once, and we have no idea for how long....reality truly hit me.
That's when happy-party-coffee-drinking-sociable-fun-loving-men-craving-outrageous-acting ME was born !! I started Living my Vida Loca!!
Nothing to do with abusive alcohol consumption by the way ! ;-) Just an honest desire to always look on the bright side of life !
Point is ....it doesn't quite matter how you do it, just enjoy life as it comes, pick out the best moments which are always highlighted by the worst, and live from the heart.
I guess it just goes to show that everytime I think I won't have anything to say...I still fill a page with useless, yet entertainingbullshit master pieces !!! ;-)
I hosted a Mexican dinner party the other night...chili con carne, corona beers with lime, tortillas, guacamole, the works...and the first thing I noticed was that no one dared to share a thought, or speak their mind much, afraid that it might be 'printed and published' online by yours truly ! I'm presuming of course...although my sixth sense never lets me down.
Thing is...if you guys start shutting down, well, then there won't be any vida loca stories left to write or tell ! You see, you're my living fun factor
Thank goodness for alcohol in these cases.....just pour enough into a person and the mouth starts moving and producing sounds again.
Speaking of alcohol-driven-speech....I have a friend who, when sober, is difficult to understand, but when he's had a few drinks...he completely loses me in translation. I didn't have the heart to tell him at first, but after a few encounters at our local bar and me just trying to nod at the right times, laugh when I presumed appropriate and appearing shocked or surprised when it seemed necessary, even though for the past 4 hours I had not understood a word of what he'd said to me.... I decided it would be kinder to just tell him, so in all honesty I have done so. I am happy to report that we are still friends, and I am now becoming a master at deciphering his 'native' tongue.
Mexican night turned into an evening of so much laughter, that I am wondering whether I should tape my face at night, to get rid of all the laugh-wrinkels I seem to be getting by the day. Botox can only do so much and I seem to be laughing so often that my face is starting to show serious signs of a happy life !
For those of you who have only met me in the past few years, you should know that I used to be a very different person. I think I was just fun-factored-out-of-life. Everything and anything seemed difficult, annoying and very tiring. And I used to blame others for my own misery. Afterall, it couldn't jolly well be ME that was making my own life so miserable, could it?!
Thank goodness for
From then on it was easy...my motto was to enjoy life to the fullest. We're only here once, and we have no idea for how long....reality truly hit me.
That's when happy-party-coffee-drinking-sociable-fun-loving-men-craving-outrageous-acting ME was born !! I started Living my Vida Loca!!
Nothing to do with abusive alcohol consumption by the way ! ;-) Just an honest desire to always look on the bright side of life !
Point is ....it doesn't quite matter how you do it, just enjoy life as it comes, pick out the best moments which are always highlighted by the worst, and live from the heart.
I guess it just goes to show that everytime I think I won't have anything to say...I still fill a page with useless, yet entertaining
Friday 19 March 2010
Wishful Thinking
To many of you this may sound very odd and maybe even slightly shocking, but I have noticed that my 'vida loca' is not only frequently read and followed online by hard core fans, (yes, I actually have some 'fans').
In 'real' life I've aquired the undivided attention of a few pre-teenage youngsters. Their concern for my 'date quest' is undoubtedly one of the truest and purest forms of curiosity around.
Every Wednesday afternoon, as I have mentioned before in my blogs, I am at the local fieldhockey club. And for the past few weeks, I have noticed that I have been getting a greater number of very devoted 'followers' ...I sit on the bench outside, mostly trying to enjoy the sun and company of friends, yet also sharing my weeks adventures or dilemmas. A group of girls aged around 9 and 10, slowly started 'evesdropping' on my conversations, and by now they see me coming.... rush over to my table to join me and they listen to me with great interest....all-ears-and-chins-on-hands-elbows-on-the-table. They join in once in a while with their own comments and opinions.. so too, happened last week when I was looking for a date to take to the Ball. The girls suggested hanging up posters around the clubhouse, paying someone (to me this seemed a bit over the top, but the girls seemed to think nothing of it..), and one of them even offered me her dad...(although, she rightly thought it may not be appropriate as he is married to her mom ! ;-)).
I have tried to 'shoo' these girls away on many occasions, as I feel that this may be too complicated a topic for them, but it seems that they have been briefed very well, on our current social values these days ! I am often approached by them, only to be asked ....'have you found someone yet ?!' or......'did you have a good time at the Ball' ? It is utterly sweet, yet somewhat eerie that I am now becoming a kind of 'dating-basket-case' for these young apprentices!!
I have, of course tried to inform the girls' parents of their keen interest in me and my 'sagas' but they don't seem to mind, so I continue to 'educate' the girls with my newly acquired knowledge of men, dating and all else that is of importance when one is searching for Mr. Right.
This last week for example I attempted to point out to them that, what one must look for in a man should firstly be 'hunky doriness'. (Yes....I'm shallow and superficial...so what !?!). His looks are important, not necessarily to anyone else, but certainly to you !
So, to put this into practice we found ourselves a target 'hunky dory' guy and observed....
I guess this lesson was a little too soon or complex for the girls, as they migrated away. Which left single-mom-me and one of my best friends infatuated with the chosen 'hunky dory' guy! Giggling away like teeange girls and discussing the pro's and con's of a relationship with such a guy, was just the beginning of an afternoon of great joy ! We went for 'looks' and 'sex-appeal' but I'm afraid there is the issue of him being far too young and us being far too old to drool over him .... ok, it's not a great a gap as Demi and Ashton, (yes the famous Hollywood stars....) but still....I don't look like Demi and the hunky dory guy...well, he is a version of Ashton in my Wednesday-afternoon-vida-loca perception ;-) !
I have since then been laughed at, encouraged and totally declared insane for even daring to think about Mr. Hunky Dory in such a way. There is of course the slight 'problem' that Mr. Hunky Dory has no idea I even sit and drool over him, (and with me enough other girlfriends I might add !!! as I am not the only midlife drooler out there ! ). The fact that this is a totally one sided 'fantasy'.... for there is understandably no way in the world Mr. Hunky Dory would even consider taking a peek at me, makes this an even moreunlikely lopsided case!!
So, for next weeks session with my pre-teenage fans, I have decided I will educate them about what to do when after 4 years of solitude one becomes so desperate as to start drooling over a much-too young-unreachable-good-looking guy.... and yes, I think I will have to do quite some research on this topic, as I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one.
Like last time, it seems wise to start off our weekly session asking the girls to suggest what one should do when one finds oneself in such an unlikely yet wishful situation. ...and maybe, just maybe....they will surprise me yet again, and give me the best advice available on this temporary infatuation of mine. ;-)
If not..I will have had to come up with my own theories on this, and for now, I'm afraid I have none. Just wishful thinking....;-)
In 'real' life I've aquired the undivided attention of a few pre-teenage youngsters. Their concern for my 'date quest' is undoubtedly one of the truest and purest forms of curiosity around.
Every Wednesday afternoon, as I have mentioned before in my blogs, I am at the local fieldhockey club. And for the past few weeks, I have noticed that I have been getting a greater number of very devoted 'followers' ...I sit on the bench outside, mostly trying to enjoy the sun and company of friends, yet also sharing my weeks adventures or dilemmas. A group of girls aged around 9 and 10, slowly started 'evesdropping' on my conversations, and by now they see me coming.... rush over to my table to join me and they listen to me with great interest....all-ears-and-chins-on-hands-elbows-on-the-table. They join in once in a while with their own comments and opinions.. so too, happened last week when I was looking for a date to take to the Ball. The girls suggested hanging up posters around the clubhouse, paying someone (to me this seemed a bit over the top, but the girls seemed to think nothing of it..), and one of them even offered me her dad...(although, she rightly thought it may not be appropriate as he is married to her mom ! ;-)).
I have tried to 'shoo' these girls away on many occasions, as I feel that this may be too complicated a topic for them, but it seems that they have been briefed very well, on our current social values these days ! I am often approached by them, only to be asked ....'have you found someone yet ?!' or......'did you have a good time at the Ball' ? It is utterly sweet, yet somewhat eerie that I am now becoming a kind of 'dating-basket-case' for these young apprentices!!
I have, of course tried to inform the girls' parents of their keen interest in me and my 'sagas' but they don't seem to mind, so I continue to 'educate' the girls with my newly acquired knowledge of men, dating and all else that is of importance when one is searching for Mr. Right.
This last week for example I attempted to point out to them that, what one must look for in a man should firstly be 'hunky doriness'. (Yes....I'm shallow and superficial...so what !?!). His looks are important, not necessarily to anyone else, but certainly to you !
So, to put this into practice we found ourselves a target 'hunky dory' guy and observed....
I guess this lesson was a little too soon or complex for the girls, as they migrated away. Which left single-mom-me and one of my best friends infatuated with the chosen 'hunky dory' guy! Giggling away like teeange girls and discussing the pro's and con's of a relationship with such a guy, was just the beginning of an afternoon of great joy ! We went for 'looks' and 'sex-appeal' but I'm afraid there is the issue of him being far too young and us being far too old to drool over him .... ok, it's not a great a gap as Demi and Ashton, (yes the famous Hollywood stars....) but still....I don't look like Demi and the hunky dory guy...well, he is a version of Ashton in my Wednesday-afternoon-vida-loca perception ;-) !
I have since then been laughed at, encouraged and totally declared insane for even daring to think about Mr. Hunky Dory in such a way. There is of course the slight 'problem' that Mr. Hunky Dory has no idea I even sit and drool over him, (and with me enough other girlfriends I might add !!! as I am not the only midlife drooler out there ! ). The fact that this is a totally one sided 'fantasy'.... for there is understandably no way in the world Mr. Hunky Dory would even consider taking a peek at me, makes this an even more
So, for next weeks session with my pre-teenage fans, I have decided I will educate them about what to do when after 4 years of solitude one becomes so desperate as to start drooling over a much-too young-unreachable-good-looking guy.... and yes, I think I will have to do quite some research on this topic, as I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one.
Like last time, it seems wise to start off our weekly session asking the girls to suggest what one should do when one finds oneself in such an unlikely yet wishful situation. ...and maybe, just maybe....they will surprise me yet again, and give me the best advice available on this temporary infatuation of mine. ;-)
If not..I will have had to come up with my own theories on this, and for now, I'm afraid I have none. Just wishful thinking....;-)
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Aftermath
OUCH....truly getting too old to do the 'dance-floor-workout' .....It's day two after the Ball and I look and walk around like someone who has had both legs amputated and replaced by 'wooden' ones....not a pretty sight !!
(With all due respect to those of you who manage to make it look easy coping with such devices !)
Ball was fantastic ! Although the food tasted like airplane platters that had been transported across a few continents before they were served at the table....Yuk !
Start of the night was a chique encounter of mostly 'grown ups'....all dressed fabulously and those who weren't ....well....I just won't mention them ! ;-)
After the dj's made the music and dance introductions, we were treated to a band...and they were absolutely magnificent ! Golden oldies remixed with modern sounds making terrific dance combinations !! Halfway through the evening the 'young ones' joined us and they stood there, crowding the dancefloor yet not moving an inch !! Apparently that is really COOL..... !!!
I received some 'rolling eyes', the kind my daughter can give me when she utterly disapproves of me or thinks I am just being ridiculous...I think the 'looks' I got from some young girls were meant in exactly that way...then again, they didn't worry me at all, as one day, I'm sure, they too will get those looks !!! And I say this with 'rolling eyes' myself ! ;-)
Amidst my tipsy friends, I enjoyed the dancefloor and made a total fool of myself with my 'dance workout' and plain 'I-don't-really-care-what-you-think-of-me-movements-' !!! (Of course only realising today that my leg muscles are not in shape and therefore killing me now !!) The fact that I had no date, left me as free as a bird...and not feeling 'stuck' to anyone in particular, never thought that would be so fulfilling !
Friends started leaving to hit their beds and pillows...yes...we are all getting older...and I deciced to stay and be my single-self !! I must have looked like a total fool, dancing alone, yet having such fun !! A man at the table infront of me, I think, felt so sorry for me that he encouraged his wife to offer me a glass of their pink champagne !! It was a glorious moment of true emancipation !! ;-)
On my way to the 'ladies room' I bumped into some very young guys....claiming they knew me and that I had once predicted their future !!! (Must have been my huge gipsy earings that gave me away ! ;-)) I talked to them a little only to get whispered in my ear by a friend that these guys were truly too young for me !! Whatever gave him the impression of any flirting going on ?! I was in no sense capable of such an act that evening. This was made more than clear once I looked at myself in the mirror of the ladies room and saw that my hair was just atrocious !! Out of pure shock I evacuated the dancefloor and left the building !
My Volvo-carriage with built in GPS-man safely got me home as I had predicted and I enjoyed sharing all my night's tales with him as he always listens and never complains !! ;-)
(With all due respect to those of you who manage to make it look easy coping with such devices !)
Ball was fantastic ! Although the food tasted like airplane platters that had been transported across a few continents before they were served at the table....Yuk !
Start of the night was a chique encounter of mostly 'grown ups'....all dressed fabulously and those who weren't ....well....I just won't mention them ! ;-)
After the dj's made the music and dance introductions, we were treated to a band...and they were absolutely magnificent ! Golden oldies remixed with modern sounds making terrific dance combinations !! Halfway through the evening the 'young ones' joined us and they stood there, crowding the dancefloor yet not moving an inch !! Apparently that is really COOL..... !!!
I received some 'rolling eyes', the kind my daughter can give me when she utterly disapproves of me or thinks I am just being ridiculous...I think the 'looks' I got from some young girls were meant in exactly that way...then again, they didn't worry me at all, as one day, I'm sure, they too will get those looks !!! And I say this with 'rolling eyes' myself ! ;-)
Amidst my tipsy friends, I enjoyed the dancefloor and made a total fool of myself with my 'dance workout' and plain 'I-don't-really-care-what-you-think-of-me-movements-' !!! (Of course only realising today that my leg muscles are not in shape and therefore killing me now !!) The fact that I had no date, left me as free as a bird...and not feeling 'stuck' to anyone in particular, never thought that would be so fulfilling !
Friends started leaving to hit their beds and pillows...yes...we are all getting older...and I deciced to stay and be my single-self !! I must have looked like a total fool, dancing alone, yet having such fun !! A man at the table infront of me, I think, felt so sorry for me that he encouraged his wife to offer me a glass of their pink champagne !! It was a glorious moment of true emancipation !! ;-)
On my way to the 'ladies room' I bumped into some very young guys....claiming they knew me and that I had once predicted their future !!! (Must have been my huge gipsy earings that gave me away ! ;-)) I talked to them a little only to get whispered in my ear by a friend that these guys were truly too young for me !! Whatever gave him the impression of any flirting going on ?! I was in no sense capable of such an act that evening. This was made more than clear once I looked at myself in the mirror of the ladies room and saw that my hair was just atrocious !! Out of pure shock I evacuated the dancefloor and left the building !
My Volvo-carriage with built in GPS-man safely got me home as I had predicted and I enjoyed sharing all my night's tales with him as he always listens and never complains !! ;-)
Friday 12 March 2010
Cinderella Ball
Modern Fairytale...
Months ago this Cinderella made reservations to attend a proper Ball. I booked a table for 8, as 3 other couples were more than willing to join me for the dinner festivities which would prelude the actual Ball! I thought, it would be no problem to find myself a date in the in-between-time, but now I am faced with reality....an empty seat at the table tomorrow !!! After having been living the single life now for nearly 4 years, and having had plenty of non-lasting-dates, it seems I am yet again attending this by myself !! ;-)
I can do this, I know that by now, and I will be fun and jolly galore, but inside I know a little piece of me will once again go through total dissapointment and I'll feel like the girl who never got asked to join in gymclass !!
For those of you with a significant other this may all sound foolish and silly. But believe me when I tell you that there are occasions in life when it's best to know that someone is there, right by your side, to get you through it. And Survive ! It installs a sense of 'belonging', I suppose.
That may be what I've been missing out on for a while now. Belonging. So I find myself in a Cinderella-like-situation...
Anyway, I'll be wearing a glittery, navy blue, long, fancy dress, with Cinderella slippers (no, they're not flat, but very high heels as I'm not the tallest or fairest of them all ! ;-)).
Drinks and dinner to get into the mood and then lots of movement on the dancefloor. As a good friend of mine likes to call it....it's our 'workout' !!! At this point all the young adults will join us and if all goes well, it will be the modern day Fairytail Ball! By then I will have long forgotten, about the empty seat next to me at the dinner table and my spirits will be up !
At the magical hour, this Cinderella will leave the Ball, walk herself to her car (yes, my feet will surely be killing me by now...) where my loyal volvo-carriage will be awaiting me in the underground parking. The GPS man will safely guide me home and the next morning I will once again see BOTH my slippers tossed into a corner of the wardrobe.....
Back to living the vida loca ! ;-)
Months ago this Cinderella made reservations to attend a proper Ball. I booked a table for 8, as 3 other couples were more than willing to join me for the dinner festivities which would prelude the actual Ball! I thought, it would be no problem to find myself a date in the in-between-time, but now I am faced with reality....an empty seat at the table tomorrow !!! After having been living the single life now for nearly 4 years, and having had plenty of non-lasting-dates, it seems I am yet again attending this by myself !! ;-)
I can do this, I know that by now, and I will be fun and jolly galore, but inside I know a little piece of me will once again go through total dissapointment and I'll feel like the girl who never got asked to join in gymclass !!
For those of you with a significant other this may all sound foolish and silly. But believe me when I tell you that there are occasions in life when it's best to know that someone is there, right by your side, to get you through it. And Survive ! It installs a sense of 'belonging', I suppose.
That may be what I've been missing out on for a while now. Belonging. So I find myself in a Cinderella-like-situation...
Anyway, I'll be wearing a glittery, navy blue, long, fancy dress, with Cinderella slippers (no, they're not flat, but very high heels as I'm not the tallest or fairest of them all ! ;-)).
Drinks and dinner to get into the mood and then lots of movement on the dancefloor. As a good friend of mine likes to call it....it's our 'workout' !!! At this point all the young adults will join us and if all goes well, it will be the modern day Fairytail Ball! By then I will have long forgotten, about the empty seat next to me at the dinner table and my spirits will be up !
At the magical hour, this Cinderella will leave the Ball, walk herself to her car (yes, my feet will surely be killing me by now...) where my loyal volvo-carriage will be awaiting me in the underground parking. The GPS man will safely guide me home and the next morning I will once again see BOTH my slippers tossed into a corner of the wardrobe.....
Back to living the vida loca ! ;-)
Monday 8 March 2010
Girly-Mom-Talk
Every Wednesday, my kids have hockey practice and since I have 3 kids, I spend nearly all afternoon at the hockey club. There are plenty of other mothers who do exactly the same on Wednesday afternoon...that is...drive everyone around in an organized fashion, so that they can punctually be at their required sports/singing/birthdays etc. activities. It is on these afternoons that I am so happy to have a comfortable car, with a great selection of music cd's to keep me company on my rush-around-town !
All mothers of 'chicks' and 'squirrels' (yes, that's how we call our first and second year hockey players), are supposed to hang around the club as long as their little sprouts are on the field training. This has been made compulsory so that if any accidents were to happen, mothers can rush to the rescue !
Wednesday's have now become a true social event for most of us. We have the 'wine' group, that settles under a huge parasol with heaters all around them, and they enjoy their cigarettes and wine for most of the afternoon. Then we have the tea-and-coffee-drinking-moms who seem to always be cold and therefore spend most of the afternoon indoors, unless of course the sun is shining in which case they migrate towards the benches outside on the terrace. Now...when the sun is shining, the spirits are up too ! Loud giggling and raised voices can be heard all over the place, mothers enthousiastically sharing their midweek's stories !
These are the days I love most.
These are the days I prosper.
I seem to get such energy from listening to these wonderful women and mothers. Hearing all of their worries and insecurities, as well as many of their great joys and adventures in life. Realising we are all different, yet so alike.
We will discuss anything on these sunny afternoon's, from school problems to bikini waxing, from men to dating experiences, from travel trips to home improvement advice. Yes, as you can imagine enough food for hilarious conversations and various thoughts and opinions.
We laugh and sometimes even cry at moments like these...and the sense of 'belonging' is a strong one. All living the same life, with the same struggles and the same hurdles, yet finding the purpose of it all in being good mothers, wives, girlfriends, singles, daughters, sisters, friends, and women. It is a strong bond we share, one that is rarely understood by men. We know the value of spending time with our children, of making sacrifices, of driving them around so that they get a chance at as much as possible in life.
We know we're all in the same boat when it comes to this type of devotion and love. And yet we truthfully admit that at times, it's hard, and difficult to endure. We share our frustrations in the knowledge that we will not be judged but listened to, not be criticised but supported, not feel the outcast but just a 'mom' like any other....
To you, my wonderful friends I give my thanks for your unconditional friendship ! And to all the women out there, have a wonderful International Women's Day !
All mothers of 'chicks' and 'squirrels' (yes, that's how we call our first and second year hockey players), are supposed to hang around the club as long as their little sprouts are on the field training. This has been made compulsory so that if any accidents were to happen, mothers can rush to the rescue !
Wednesday's have now become a true social event for most of us. We have the 'wine' group, that settles under a huge parasol with heaters all around them, and they enjoy their cigarettes and wine for most of the afternoon. Then we have the tea-and-coffee-drinking-moms who seem to always be cold and therefore spend most of the afternoon indoors, unless of course the sun is shining in which case they migrate towards the benches outside on the terrace. Now...when the sun is shining, the spirits are up too ! Loud giggling and raised voices can be heard all over the place, mothers enthousiastically sharing their midweek's stories !
These are the days I love most.
These are the days I prosper.
I seem to get such energy from listening to these wonderful women and mothers. Hearing all of their worries and insecurities, as well as many of their great joys and adventures in life. Realising we are all different, yet so alike.
We will discuss anything on these sunny afternoon's, from school problems to bikini waxing, from men to dating experiences, from travel trips to home improvement advice. Yes, as you can imagine enough food for hilarious conversations and various thoughts and opinions.
We laugh and sometimes even cry at moments like these...and the sense of 'belonging' is a strong one. All living the same life, with the same struggles and the same hurdles, yet finding the purpose of it all in being good mothers, wives, girlfriends, singles, daughters, sisters, friends, and women. It is a strong bond we share, one that is rarely understood by men. We know the value of spending time with our children, of making sacrifices, of driving them around so that they get a chance at as much as possible in life.
We know we're all in the same boat when it comes to this type of devotion and love. And yet we truthfully admit that at times, it's hard, and difficult to endure. We share our frustrations in the knowledge that we will not be judged but listened to, not be criticised but supported, not feel the outcast but just a 'mom' like any other....
To you, my wonderful friends I give my thanks for your unconditional friendship ! And to all the women out there, have a wonderful International Women's Day !
Sunday 7 March 2010
Lust versus Love
This is a tough one, I once read somewhere that women offer sex in the hope they will get love, and men offer love in the hope they will get sex. I have often wondered if there is any truth to this.
Today I read an article in the newspaper saying that a 22 year old girl 'stole' her grandmother's boyfriend (63). They mentioned having a great and healthy sex life. I couldn't help but wonder why that seemed to be the most important aspect to mention. I already, at the best of times feel that this world has gone insane, and can't by the life of me understand what the attraction between this 22 year old and 63 year old man could be. To me it seems to border on pedofile behaviour. In a way, I feel so bad for the grandmother, as she once again becomes one of those women who doesn't stand a chance in the world of the young and beautiful.
Yes, it is only my superficial and very subjective view, as I have no idea what their relationship was like before the granddaughter made her appearance.
I guess you attract men with your sexuality, and looks, but in the end, I don't believe that that is what will make them stay. Not the good ones...and yes, I remain convinced that there are many good men still out there. I hope that the true attraction lies within your soul, the person that you are and the joy you live your life with.
So, as women, what should we do to attract the 'right' man ?! I guess we start off by deciding what we want in a man and what we expect from a relationship. This seems easy enough, but of course not all of our needs will be met and there should always be room for some compromise, I think. The compromise being on the small issues, not the important ones. For instance, it's no use making a point of someone's small annoying habits, but it is crucial to feel that someone is truly interested in you, not just 'passing time' with you. No need for love at first sight, but you aren't someone's entertainment center until something better comes along.
Sometimes we so long for love that we confuse it with lust. It will satisfy for a while but leave you empty and alone in the end. To be honest, as women, we are worth so much more !!
It's difficult to believe in yourself, and to retrieve your self confidence after a man has left you, or if you've had many relationships that ended badly. As a woman it leaves a huge dent and sometimes, when the hurt is deep, you're tempted to believe you're really not worth it. I went through that, and still at times struggle with it. Strangely enough, it is not an issue in my friendships, but when it comes to men, I am a total disaster.
I have no idea what I want, yet I want too much....
I say I don't want commitment, yet feel true disappointment when I find out I am just a fling for the other person....
I long for love, yet don't dare assume someone will ever love me again....
I want to believe 'happily ever after' still exists, yet all around me love seems to be ending in nightmares...
I find someone I like, only to realise they don't feel the same way about me at all... !
So I'm stuck....And because I am stuck, I start looking for reasons why I am stuck. Only to find that there are no answers, except maybe to let go of it all and just be myself. Hoping deep down, that I will still get a chance at this...one day.
So if you get stuck in the battle between lust and love, take a deep look at your inner self and choose wisely.
I'll take love...... in time.
Today I read an article in the newspaper saying that a 22 year old girl 'stole' her grandmother's boyfriend (63). They mentioned having a great and healthy sex life. I couldn't help but wonder why that seemed to be the most important aspect to mention. I already, at the best of times feel that this world has gone insane, and can't by the life of me understand what the attraction between this 22 year old and 63 year old man could be. To me it seems to border on pedofile behaviour. In a way, I feel so bad for the grandmother, as she once again becomes one of those women who doesn't stand a chance in the world of the young and beautiful.
Yes, it is only my superficial and very subjective view, as I have no idea what their relationship was like before the granddaughter made her appearance.
I guess you attract men with your sexuality, and looks, but in the end, I don't believe that that is what will make them stay. Not the good ones...and yes, I remain convinced that there are many good men still out there. I hope that the true attraction lies within your soul, the person that you are and the joy you live your life with.
So, as women, what should we do to attract the 'right' man ?! I guess we start off by deciding what we want in a man and what we expect from a relationship. This seems easy enough, but of course not all of our needs will be met and there should always be room for some compromise, I think. The compromise being on the small issues, not the important ones. For instance, it's no use making a point of someone's small annoying habits, but it is crucial to feel that someone is truly interested in you, not just 'passing time' with you. No need for love at first sight, but you aren't someone's entertainment center until something better comes along.
Sometimes we so long for love that we confuse it with lust. It will satisfy for a while but leave you empty and alone in the end. To be honest, as women, we are worth so much more !!
It's difficult to believe in yourself, and to retrieve your self confidence after a man has left you, or if you've had many relationships that ended badly. As a woman it leaves a huge dent and sometimes, when the hurt is deep, you're tempted to believe you're really not worth it. I went through that, and still at times struggle with it. Strangely enough, it is not an issue in my friendships, but when it comes to men, I am a total disaster.
I have no idea what I want, yet I want too much....
I say I don't want commitment, yet feel true disappointment when I find out I am just a fling for the other person....
I long for love, yet don't dare assume someone will ever love me again....
I want to believe 'happily ever after' still exists, yet all around me love seems to be ending in nightmares...
I find someone I like, only to realise they don't feel the same way about me at all... !
So I'm stuck....And because I am stuck, I start looking for reasons why I am stuck. Only to find that there are no answers, except maybe to let go of it all and just be myself. Hoping deep down, that I will still get a chance at this...one day.
So if you get stuck in the battle between lust and love, take a deep look at your inner self and choose wisely.
I'll take love...... in time.
Friday 5 March 2010
Driving Miss Daisy !
I'm one of those women who can actually drive. I like it, I drive fast, I manoeuvre my car into any parking space, and I love spending hours driving around for pleasure. I watch Top Gear on Sunday night and truly enjoy it !! (Yes, the guys are funny too....sometimes..hahaha.) But if there is one thing I don't like...it's people who can't drive. Whatever their reason may be of course, as some people are just too old to drive, whilst others are just plain blind, or traffic-fobic.
I don't understand why these people still get into a car and think they will be fine. They are a threat to society and a danger to themselves and others. But mostly just a huge annoyance in my life !!!!
The other day, I had one of those days where I just seemed to be stuck behind all sorts of 'bad' drivers. The first was an 'L' labeled car, someone still following lessons and instructions to learn how to drive. Ok, that, I can handle, as I too was in their place, a long time ago and know how awful it can be. So, I respectfully left some distance between us.
Just a little later I had my second encounter...an older man, tiny by the looks of it, as he could barely see over his steering wheel, and I imagine his feet could only just reach the gas pedal and breaks, let alone press down the clutch once in a while. Now, this time I was annoyed yet I did feel some sympathy as he surely couldn't help being small.
The third one, and yes these are the types I truly detest on the road, ... those who can't drive, yet think they can....!!! They stay on the left lane as long as possible 'pretending' they are going to overtake...God know's who.....(.... there usually isn't a vehicle in sight ...)!! Then finally, after dropping subtle hints, I'll decide to overtake them on the right. It is THEN...when they decide it is time to go back to the right lane. Thank goodness experience has taught me that 90% of the people do this, so I am well prepared to step on my breaks and have of course scanned my mirrors ahead of time to see if a slick move back to the left lane is possible. And it usually is for me. After overtaking this 'wacko' individual, I usually step on it and can always be assured of angry flickering headlights behind me, as of course Mr.or Mrs 'fantastic driver' knows best !
This type of situation, always ends up in a 'stoplight meeting' somewhere....where I end up looking to my left, only to realise it is Mr. or Mrs. 'fantastic driver' next to me. Who, of course, is enjoying the moment, as I have by then gone back to the right lane (as you're supposed to do) and he or she is back on the left lane, and therefore right back next to me. If I'm lucky I won't have anyone infront of me and I will blast off once the lights go green. BUT....of course life is not always as you hope, so at the worst of times I am stuck behind someone who has all the time in the world and steps on the gas pedal about 30 seconds after the lights have turned green. By this time, and yes, 30 seconds seem to take hours in this case...I myself start to turn all shades of green!!
I've learnt to breathe and just let go of these small irritations, as it was eating away at me from time to time.
But of course I am human and I still occasionally suffer from traffic impatience ! That, combined with South American temperament and being able to swear in 4 different languages makes me a great driver ! ;-)
I can only hope that I will be sensible enough myself to quit driving before I'm a hazard to anyone else on the road !!!
I don't understand why these people still get into a car and think they will be fine. They are a threat to society and a danger to themselves and others. But mostly just a huge annoyance in my life !!!!
The other day, I had one of those days where I just seemed to be stuck behind all sorts of 'bad' drivers. The first was an 'L' labeled car, someone still following lessons and instructions to learn how to drive. Ok, that, I can handle, as I too was in their place, a long time ago and know how awful it can be. So, I respectfully left some distance between us.
Just a little later I had my second encounter...an older man, tiny by the looks of it, as he could barely see over his steering wheel, and I imagine his feet could only just reach the gas pedal and breaks, let alone press down the clutch once in a while. Now, this time I was annoyed yet I did feel some sympathy as he surely couldn't help being small.
The third one, and yes these are the types I truly detest on the road, ... those who can't drive, yet think they can....!!! They stay on the left lane as long as possible 'pretending' they are going to overtake...God know's who.....(.... there usually isn't a vehicle in sight ...)!! Then finally, after dropping subtle hints, I'll decide to overtake them on the right. It is THEN...when they decide it is time to go back to the right lane. Thank goodness experience has taught me that 90% of the people do this, so I am well prepared to step on my breaks and have of course scanned my mirrors ahead of time to see if a slick move back to the left lane is possible. And it usually is for me. After overtaking this 'wacko' individual, I usually step on it and can always be assured of angry flickering headlights behind me, as of course Mr.or Mrs 'fantastic driver' knows best !
This type of situation, always ends up in a 'stoplight meeting' somewhere....where I end up looking to my left, only to realise it is Mr. or Mrs. 'fantastic driver' next to me. Who, of course, is enjoying the moment, as I have by then gone back to the right lane (as you're supposed to do) and he or she is back on the left lane, and therefore right back next to me. If I'm lucky I won't have anyone infront of me and I will blast off once the lights go green. BUT....of course life is not always as you hope, so at the worst of times I am stuck behind someone who has all the time in the world and steps on the gas pedal about 30 seconds after the lights have turned green. By this time, and yes, 30 seconds seem to take hours in this case...I myself start to turn all shades of green!!
I've learnt to breathe and just let go of these small irritations, as it was eating away at me from time to time.
But of course I am human and I still occasionally suffer from traffic impatience ! That, combined with South American temperament and being able to swear in 4 different languages makes me a great driver ! ;-)
I can only hope that I will be sensible enough myself to quit driving before I'm a hazard to anyone else on the road !!!
Wednesday 3 March 2010
Run Whilst You Can !
Ok, I have no idea why it happens, but it happens...Every time I meet a half descent guy, get to know him a little, and feel we may have some kind of connection, he does a 180° on me.
I just don't get it and can't seem to understand it. Is it me ? Do I scare them away ? Do I make them run, hide and flee as fast as they can ?! I can't say I've been anything but friendly and my own jolly self. Yet it seems that it is not what the men I have been attracted to want.
Then again, what DO men want ? Should I play the 'hard to get' game ?! Is it true men are such hunters that they want what they can't have ?! To be honest, I can't find it in me to play these 'games'...it's just not who I am. And if anything I feel I should be true to myself. Yes, I'm 37, have 3 kids, live in a town where divorce rates are extremely high, yet most of those men seem to only want to 'start over' with a woman 20 years their minor. To top it all off, I live in Belgium yet I seem to prefer the spontineity of a Dutch man. I guess this makes my search for the perfect guy for me impossible. Friends have told me exactly that, many a time.
It's not that I feel incomplete without a man, because I truly don't, but I just don't think I'm meant to go through life alone. I don't think anyone is meant to go through life alone... (Please note that I am not alone in the entire sense of the word, as I have my 3 wonderful kids, a warm and loving family and fantastic friends.)
When I signed myself up at an online dating site, it seemed wonderful at first. So many faces, and wonderful sounding profiles. Yet now, after experiencing it on and off for nearly a year, I realise it is like watching tv with the remote control in your hand...you're watching something on one channel, but as soon as you start switching channels, and stop concentrating on the one thing you were watching, then this feeling of 'missing out' seems to take over and the channel switching, before you know it, becomes a habit.
So, am I scaring these potential dates away ? Is it something I do, or don't do? Or are they running from something else? Is it my 'package deal' that makes them hesitant? Or do they have other issues of their own?
Who is to say....
At least now I know that I CAN do this all by myself, that I CAN go out to parties alone, that I CAN have a great social life, and that I CAN do anything I set my mind to...but ....and this 'BUT' is crucial... I don't WANT to have to do it all alone. I'd love to know that there is someone out there who likes me, I'm not even talking about love yet. It would be a great start to just find someone who likes me enough to want to keep seeing me, to want to spend time with me and someone I too feel that way about. Someone who will not run away because I have 3 kids, or because I live far away, or because I'm not a perfect dress size. Someone who will appreciate all of those things and so much more that I have to offer, instead of viewing it as a big challenge and huge obstacle.
So, in the meantime I will keep hoping, keep believing and remain in great expectation of the guy that may one day set foot in my life and who will wholeheartedly mean it.
I just don't get it and can't seem to understand it. Is it me ? Do I scare them away ? Do I make them run, hide and flee as fast as they can ?! I can't say I've been anything but friendly and my own jolly self. Yet it seems that it is not what the men I have been attracted to want.
Then again, what DO men want ? Should I play the 'hard to get' game ?! Is it true men are such hunters that they want what they can't have ?! To be honest, I can't find it in me to play these 'games'...it's just not who I am. And if anything I feel I should be true to myself. Yes, I'm 37, have 3 kids, live in a town where divorce rates are extremely high, yet most of those men seem to only want to 'start over' with a woman 20 years their minor. To top it all off, I live in Belgium yet I seem to prefer the spontineity of a Dutch man. I guess this makes my search for the perfect guy for me impossible. Friends have told me exactly that, many a time.
It's not that I feel incomplete without a man, because I truly don't, but I just don't think I'm meant to go through life alone. I don't think anyone is meant to go through life alone... (Please note that I am not alone in the entire sense of the word, as I have my 3 wonderful kids, a warm and loving family and fantastic friends.)
When I signed myself up at an online dating site, it seemed wonderful at first. So many faces, and wonderful sounding profiles. Yet now, after experiencing it on and off for nearly a year, I realise it is like watching tv with the remote control in your hand...you're watching something on one channel, but as soon as you start switching channels, and stop concentrating on the one thing you were watching, then this feeling of 'missing out' seems to take over and the channel switching, before you know it, becomes a habit.
So, am I scaring these potential dates away ? Is it something I do, or don't do? Or are they running from something else? Is it my 'package deal' that makes them hesitant? Or do they have other issues of their own?
Who is to say....
At least now I know that I CAN do this all by myself, that I CAN go out to parties alone, that I CAN have a great social life, and that I CAN do anything I set my mind to...but ....and this 'BUT' is crucial... I don't WANT to have to do it all alone. I'd love to know that there is someone out there who likes me, I'm not even talking about love yet. It would be a great start to just find someone who likes me enough to want to keep seeing me, to want to spend time with me and someone I too feel that way about. Someone who will not run away because I have 3 kids, or because I live far away, or because I'm not a perfect dress size. Someone who will appreciate all of those things and so much more that I have to offer, instead of viewing it as a big challenge and huge obstacle.
So, in the meantime I will keep hoping, keep believing and remain in great expectation of the guy that may one day set foot in my life and who will wholeheartedly mean it.
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Bearable Lightness of Being !
Today, I will try to keep things a little 'lighter'. Weight and looks seem to be issues we women struggle with endlessly. When I was 21, my life as a single girl ended as I moved in with my boyfriend who would later become my husband. I was skinny compared to how I look nowadays. Reasonably wrinkle free and my hair had full colour and showed no signs of ever becoming gray. The years have passed, and I'm back to being a single girl having had a wonderfully 'full' life of deliciousness and the wrinkles on my face are a map of the path I have taken so far. I'm afraid it's something that can't secretly be 'tucked' away anymore!!!
Any excuse to crave for chocolate is a valid one, and of course you have to alternate sweet with something salty, followed by sweet yet again. Isn't that how all women do it ?! I'm sure it's hormonal, as I don't like to think I have no self-discipline over this craving. It would make me feel like a bit of a loser, and of course I'm not ! ;-)
The countless attempts at losing weight and excercising more, could nearly earn me a mention in the The Guiness Book of World Records, if you ask me ! It is incredible that I still manage to start each diet with the same amount of enthousiasm, and I remain ever so confident and convinced that THIS time will work !!
The winter months are slowly disappearing and making place for more daylight hours and plenty of sun. All of a sudden I get panic attacks, because in just a few months I need to be able to parade around in my bikini ! It must be said that at a certain age, it is no longer only a weight issue when it comes to bikini's .. gravity too plays it's part in 'things' becoming southward bound! Yes, by 'things' I do mean boobs and bums. That, in combination with crater like dents on my legs and hips, makes it even less likely that my bikini fittings will leave me with positive vibes..
I carried my children with great joy, and loved to feel their every move in my tummy, only to find that they left their mark to remind me of those pleasures. I'm sure you can imagine that this too creates a bikini fobia for me.To top it all off, I am now a 37 year old single girl/mom and realise that the older I get, the less attractive my body may actually become.
Friends tell me it is all in the mind. If we believe we look good then that is exactly what will shine through. If we feel sexy, then we are sexy. If we are confident and happy about who we are, then people will feel attracted to our charisma. How true !! But even so, it does not take away the fact that one day, maybe, in the future, I will be in a relationship once again and I will have to get undressed, and be left standing in the bearness of my being, wondering why I never followed through with my diet and excercise routine. Yet hoping my inner self will shine through and blurr the actual naked sight of me.
In preparation of that day, I am once again into healthy eating and zumba dancing, well on my way to break my own record !! ;-)
Any excuse to crave for chocolate is a valid one, and of course you have to alternate sweet with something salty, followed by sweet yet again. Isn't that how all women do it ?! I'm sure it's hormonal, as I don't like to think I have no self-discipline over this craving. It would make me feel like a bit of a loser, and of course I'm not ! ;-)
The countless attempts at losing weight and excercising more, could nearly earn me a mention in the The Guiness Book of World Records, if you ask me ! It is incredible that I still manage to start each diet with the same amount of enthousiasm, and I remain ever so confident and convinced that THIS time will work !!
The winter months are slowly disappearing and making place for more daylight hours and plenty of sun. All of a sudden I get panic attacks, because in just a few months I need to be able to parade around in my bikini ! It must be said that at a certain age, it is no longer only a weight issue when it comes to bikini's .. gravity too plays it's part in 'things' becoming southward bound! Yes, by 'things' I do mean boobs and bums. That, in combination with crater like dents on my legs and hips, makes it even less likely that my bikini fittings will leave me with positive vibes..
I carried my children with great joy, and loved to feel their every move in my tummy, only to find that they left their mark to remind me of those pleasures. I'm sure you can imagine that this too creates a bikini fobia for me.To top it all off, I am now a 37 year old single girl/mom and realise that the older I get, the less attractive my body may actually become.
Friends tell me it is all in the mind. If we believe we look good then that is exactly what will shine through. If we feel sexy, then we are sexy. If we are confident and happy about who we are, then people will feel attracted to our charisma. How true !! But even so, it does not take away the fact that one day, maybe, in the future, I will be in a relationship once again and I will have to get undressed, and be left standing in the bearness of my being, wondering why I never followed through with my diet and excercise routine. Yet hoping my inner self will shine through and blurr the actual naked sight of me.
In preparation of that day, I am once again into healthy eating and zumba dancing, well on my way to break my own record !! ;-)
Monday 1 March 2010
Love and Marriage
Lately I have noticed that I am getting quite used to life without a man around the house. You get to choose what to watch on TV, dinners are healthy but very simple, chores are done by me anyway so I don't have to bother getting upset that the man in my life isn't doing them. and I can jump into my pyjama's at 7pm if I wish to do so. What I say goes and there is no discussion from anyone...not even the kids as they are still young enough to actually listen. (Yes, I do realize this will soon change ! And of course my kids don't always listen...) I have gathered great knowledge about swimming pool pumps, home electrics, plumbing, and cars. It's funny how, you learn to do stuff, out of pure necessity. Things you'd never thought you could do let alone understand, become second nature.
In my case it was due to the separation that I became self sufficient in certain fields. But there is also another type of 'emancipation' in my town. Psychologists even have a name for such women, they are called the 'green widows'. Green because we are surrounded by parks, forests and nature (and of course huge gardens). And 'widows' because many of the husbands in these surroundings are hard working professionals who spend hours, days and weeks away from home to build great careers and even greater businesses. Thus, the wives are 'left behind' to fend for themselves, often having to take care of the kids, pets, houses and of course their maids and gardeners. Not to mention the whole army of plumbers, electricians, painters, and handymen they have to meticulously guide around their homes in their ever changing interiors.
It is a thrill to hear of renovation projects, children's rooms being restyled, gardens remodeled, and entire homes being replaced by newer and more family friendly ones. This in turn seems to also be a trend with the hard working men that hardly see their homes...they start their quest for a 'home away from home'. This time it doesn't involve bricks and mortar, but age and beauty.
In the old days you used to be the 'kept' woman if you weren't married to the man in question, but nowadays, it seems the roles have switched, or have they not ?! As I found a definition online of a 'kept woman' being; "the woman kept house while the man hunted". I guess in a way, that is still true, even though it seems to have become a different type of 'hunting' !
Anyway as most of us proudly bring up our kids and take on our household chores, life seems to take some shocking turns at around the magic age of 40. We either get fed up of being home alone and having to fend for ourselves on that front, or our beloved spouse decides there is a more adventurous life in fancy faraway places (like the office, or local bars). Funny thing is, that most of these cases are so alike that I have often wondered if someone is secretly handing out booklets on how to set out on this foolishly passionate adventure.
I have a theory about why women leave and why men leave too. You see, I think a woman leaves once she feels unappreciated, unloved and she reaches a point where she is just fed up with it all. A man funnily enough is nearly the same, he too will have felt unappreciated, unloved, but he will have smarlty found a replacement before leaving. Another woman.
No need to explain what happens next I think...once again, someone starts to plan great big renovations, changes are made to the newly aquired house whilst dearest husband works hard long hours, far away to pay for it all, only to help continue the ongoing circle of life's natural evolution. Divorce and Marriage.
I'm sorry...did I not mention the children anymore ?! Maybe that is because in these cases they are the first to be forgotten....
Hopefully we will have taught them well and they will grow into confident, happy and loving parents and spouses, afterall isn't that exactly the example we gave them ?!
In my case it was due to the separation that I became self sufficient in certain fields. But there is also another type of 'emancipation' in my town. Psychologists even have a name for such women, they are called the 'green widows'. Green because we are surrounded by parks, forests and nature (and of course huge gardens). And 'widows' because many of the husbands in these surroundings are hard working professionals who spend hours, days and weeks away from home to build great careers and even greater businesses. Thus, the wives are 'left behind' to fend for themselves, often having to take care of the kids, pets, houses and of course their maids and gardeners. Not to mention the whole army of plumbers, electricians, painters, and handymen they have to meticulously guide around their homes in their ever changing interiors.
It is a thrill to hear of renovation projects, children's rooms being restyled, gardens remodeled, and entire homes being replaced by newer and more family friendly ones. This in turn seems to also be a trend with the hard working men that hardly see their homes...they start their quest for a 'home away from home'. This time it doesn't involve bricks and mortar, but age and beauty.
In the old days you used to be the 'kept' woman if you weren't married to the man in question, but nowadays, it seems the roles have switched, or have they not ?! As I found a definition online of a 'kept woman' being; "the woman kept house while the man hunted". I guess in a way, that is still true, even though it seems to have become a different type of 'hunting' !
Anyway as most of us proudly bring up our kids and take on our household chores, life seems to take some shocking turns at around the magic age of 40. We either get fed up of being home alone and having to fend for ourselves on that front, or our beloved spouse decides there is a more adventurous life in fancy faraway places (like the office, or local bars). Funny thing is, that most of these cases are so alike that I have often wondered if someone is secretly handing out booklets on how to set out on this foolishly passionate adventure.
I have a theory about why women leave and why men leave too. You see, I think a woman leaves once she feels unappreciated, unloved and she reaches a point where she is just fed up with it all. A man funnily enough is nearly the same, he too will have felt unappreciated, unloved, but he will have smarlty found a replacement before leaving. Another woman.
No need to explain what happens next I think...once again, someone starts to plan great big renovations, changes are made to the newly aquired house whilst dearest husband works hard long hours, far away to pay for it all, only to help continue the ongoing circle of life's natural evolution. Divorce and Marriage.
I'm sorry...did I not mention the children anymore ?! Maybe that is because in these cases they are the first to be forgotten....
Hopefully we will have taught them well and they will grow into confident, happy and loving parents and spouses, afterall isn't that exactly the example we gave them ?!
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